{"id":1054,"date":"2009-02-19T12:51:06","date_gmt":"2009-02-19T20:51:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/2009\/02\/19\/the-crackberry-chronicles-the-big-reveal\/"},"modified":"2019-02-27T12:01:30","modified_gmt":"2019-02-27T20:01:30","slug":"the-crackberry-chronicles-the-big-reveal","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/1054\/the-crackberry-chronicles-the-big-reveal\/","title":{"rendered":"The CrackBerry Chronicles: The Big Reveal"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1446_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nElaine Santore, aka <strike>Crackberry<\/strike> Lascivious Carriage, getting ready to perform<br \/>\nwith the Burlesqueteers at the Uptown Club in Oakland, Feb. 16.<br \/>\n<strong>Photos by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/author\/luke\/\">Luke Thomas<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>By <a href=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/author\/esantore\/\">Elaine Santore<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>February 19, 2009<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Siebel-Newsom spawn: because population control is <em>so <\/em>2008<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Good news: the economy can&#8217;t be that bad if the first couple of San Francisco can <a href=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/2009\/02\/18\/siebel-newsom-preggas\/\">still afford to procreate<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>Let&#8217;s be honest, folks &#8211; this baby is going to be really, really white. I mean, have you ever seen Gavin dance? Let&#8217;s hope the child doesn&#8217;t inherit Gavin&#8217;s blaccent. And that Gavin and Jennifer don&#8217;t become the kind of parents who let their kid scream while throwing food and silverware on the floor during Sunday brunch. Because those are the rare instances when I consider getting my tubes tied.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--> In all seriousness, I&#8217;m sure the Siebel-Newsom baby will be tall and attractive, with symmetrical features and a large trust fund. Basically, everything yours truly was blessed with at birth, except for the tall part and the trust fund. (However, I&#8217;m convinced Mom and Dad hid my trust fund under the house but lost the map. Or maybe they dug it up during the &#8217;90s for a weekend trip to Reno, but forgot to replace it. I&#8217;m sure it will turn up somewhere.)<\/p>\n<p>Best wishes to the happy couple and their little person!<\/p>\n<p>Bob said it best:<\/p>\n<p><em>May God bless and keep you always,<br \/>\nMay your wishes all come true,<br \/>\nMay you always do for others<br \/>\nAnd let others do for you.<br \/>\nMay you build a ladder to the stars<br \/>\nAnd climb on every rung,<br \/>\nMay you stay forever young,<br \/>\nForever young, forever young,<br \/>\nMay you stay forever young.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>&#8211; <\/em>Bob Dylan<\/p>\n<p><strong>FCJ (Mis)Adventure: Hubba Hubba Revue<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Almost one year ago, I read <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sfgate.com\/cgi-bin\/article.cgi?f=\/g\/a\/2008\/03\/27\/violetblue.DTL\">a column<\/a> on SFGate by Violet Blue titled &#8220;Ugly Violet: Every girl online is fat, ugly and unsexy. Here&#8217;s how to get over it.&#8221; Blue wrote the column in response to (what else?) an anonymous commenter who called her an &#8220;unattractive skank&#8221; after watching one of her videos.<\/p>\n<p>In the column, Blue quoted Bombshell Betty, a burlesque performer, entrepreneur who teaches the popular Burlesquercise classes and pinup workshops in San Francisco. She also performs with the band Fromagique, writes a <a href=\"http:\/\/bombshellbetty.wordpress.com\/\">blog<\/a>, and launched a <a href=\"http:\/\/everydaybombshells.wordpress.com\/\">new blog<\/a> this year devoted to &#8220;The Bombshell Challenge.&#8221; One of Betty&#8217;s quotes stuck out to me, and followed me around in my head for almost a year:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>As new people come into my classes and experience how the group encourages others who do not represent our society&#8217;s unattainable ideal of what is beautiful, they see how sexy these other &#8216;imperfect&#8217; women are when they are letting go and feeling sexy, and it allows them to stop judging themselves so harshly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1544_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nBombshell Betty performing with Fromagique at the Uptown.<\/p>\n<p>At the time, I considered writing a response to the column, but feared it would be perceived as a desperate ploy to fish for compliments. Or, even worse, a perfect opportunity for not-so-anonymous trolls from blogs past to rejoice. So I stayed silent.<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m not breaking into unfamiliar territory here. I wrote about weight and body image issues four years ago when I was an Op-Ed columnist at the Daily Nebraskan, and I convinced myself that if I stopped writing or talking about it, the problem would go away. Or if I surrounded myself with people who told me the positive things about my looks, I would feel better. But I didn&#8217;t.<\/p>\n<p>After months of logging onto Bombshell Betty&#8217;s site and contemplating signing up for Burlesquercise, I finally worked up the courage to enroll in two sessions. This garnered a mixed reaction from family, friends and co-workers. My friend Alex asked me: &#8220;Are you going to be onstage in a <a href=\"http:\/\/img.dailymail.co.uk\/i\/pix\/2008\/01_04\/DitavonTeeseR_468x761.jpg\" rel=\"fancybox-gallery\">big martini glass<\/a>?&#8221; For a while, I simply told people I was taking a dance class and left it at that.<\/p>\n<p>I felt almost an immediate change after the first class. Not just physically, but in how I felt about my body. The quote from Betty held true because I began being less critical of myself and other women. A challenge, no doubt, after watching so much media coverage devoted to Jessica Simpson&#8217;s weight and coming across a <a href=\"https:\/\/web.archive.org\/web\/20110222050319\/http:\/\/www.spike.com:80\/blog\/top-7-butterbodies\/72506?\">blog<\/a> on Spike.com about &#8220;The Top 7 Butter Bodies.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>As the weeks went on, I became more comfortable sharing my experiences with others, enough to post a note on Facebook inviting my friends to see me perform in the Hubba Hubba Revue at the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.uptownnightclub.com\/\">Uptown Nightclub<\/a> in Oakland. Most of the responses were positive. One former co-worker jokingly asked if the economy had inspired me to resort to such extreme measures.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1418_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nThe Uptown in Oakland.<\/p>\n<p>My debut with the Burlesqueteers was fun, nerve-wracking and exhilarating all at once. I&#8217;m grateful for the opportunity to dance with such a positive, beautiful and supportive group of women. I highly recommend Betty&#8217;s classes to anyone interested in learning burlesque, or just a change in your workout routine.<\/p>\n<p>For those who missed Monday&#8217;s show, there&#8217;s another opportunity to catch yours truly perform as my Burlesque persona, Lascivious Carriage, on <a href=\"http:\/\/www.stagewerx.org\/\">Wednesday, Feb. 25 at Stage Werx<\/a> in San Francisco.<\/p>\n<p>Oops, I guess y&#8217;all want to see some photos of this thing. Pics slightly NSFW for all you civic and corporate suckas out there.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1424_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nScarlet Fever and Red Velvet.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1430_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nAnd the big finale.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1563_std.jpg\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1563_std.jpg\" title=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1563_std.jpg\" id=\"mep4\"><br \/>\n<\/a>The Bombshell herself, Bombshell Betty.<a href=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1563_std.jpg\" title=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1563_std.jpg\" id=\"mep4\"><br \/>\n<\/a><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"> <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1567_std.jpg\" \/><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1576_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nTime for tassel-twirling tricks!<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1581_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nSome serious superpowers here.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1595_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nAnd introducing&#8230;Lascivious Carriage. (Legal definition here.)<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1515_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nWelcome to Oakland, bitch.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1600_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nWith Holly Highbeams (who became a grandmother recently &#8211; congrats!) and Red Velvet.<br \/>\nHolly gave me my stage name!<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1628_std.jpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"333\" \/><br \/>\nCurtain call with the Burlesquercise freshman class.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1605_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nWith Miss Kitty (right).<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/images\/photos2009\/hubba_hubba_uptown_090216\/_w2w1635_std.jpg\" \/><br \/>\nTill next time &#8230; xoxo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Elaine Santore, aka Crackberry Lascivious Carriage, getting ready to perform with the Burlesqueteers at the Uptown Club in Oakland, Feb. 16. Photos by Luke Thomas By Elaine Santore February 19, 2009 The Siebel-Newsom spawn: because&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":11,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[257,18,62,763,19,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1054","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-and-entertainment","category-culture","category-events","category-human-interest","category-opinion","category-politics"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The CrackBerry Chronicles: The Big Reveal - Fog City Journal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fogcityjournal.com\/wordpress\/1054\/the-crackberry-chronicles-the-big-reveal\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The CrackBerry Chronicles: The Big Reveal - Fog City Journal\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Elaine Santore, aka Crackberry Lascivious Carriage, getting ready to perform with the Burlesqueteers at the Uptown Club in Oakland, Feb. 16. 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