COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Court Jester interviews OJ

By h. brown

November 21, 2006

"Now I'm after Michael Richards."

(the 'Juice')

OK, I didn't talk to OJ. But, I did talk to Eileen Left and she has some very definite opinions these days. This is a good thing, cause I've just been kinda cruising since the election. Adjusting tourniquets, that kind of thing. Eileen, though, she's been keeping her eye on things.

Eileen: "I want you to 'out' SF Sweetie."

Jester: "Who the hell is that?"

Eileen: (angry) "Well, you think she's a friend and she's not, for one thing. She's been attacking everyone from the Sierra Club to Harvey Milk and Sarah Low on the Wall. She's a duplicitous bitch!"

Jester: (shakes head) "I know who you mean. She's high up on one of Gavin's commissions? Nope, I ain't gonna do it. Everyone knows who the people are on the chat rooms anyway. It's amusing when they show their asses. Just leave it at that. Everyone knows who she is."

Eileen: (amazed) "Did you see her trying to get her fellow jackals to attack Fog City Journal!?"

Jester: (laughing) "Of course! Kiddo, that's all good for the site. Just let it go and tell me about something else. (considers) Why are you defending Luke? You are such a political slut."

Eileen: (laughs - kicks off shoes and goes to her deep maroon, huge velvet couch) "Naw, he works too much. I like men who take time to party. (grabs a fresh strawberry from a bowl on the coffee table before her couch, dips it into some fresh melted chocolate and munches away) Want me to tell you some things you don't know and need to?"

Jester: (lighting a joint) "I'm all ears."

Eileen: (pours a glass of champagne and pours another for Jester)

"The reason your neighborhood, and Jens' are so bad is because you live inside what the cops call 'containment' zones. Basically, they herd the most dangerous and perverted and violent into a neighborhood mostly populated by the most vulnerable and then go away."

Jester: (shrugs) "This is news?"

Eileen: (shakes head) "You could sue them. They're telling criminals it's OK to ply their trade where you live, but not in wealthier neighborhoods."

Jester: (starting to type) "Today the Board of supes is going to give the cops another million bucks to maintain the same culture they have in the force now."

Eileen: (laughs) "You gotta admire their chutzpah. Their response to a demand for change is to ask for a special supplement so that they can hire more of the same kind of cops who got 'em into all the trouble and to keep the oldest and most conservative past their retirement dates."

Jester: "Will it pass?"

Eileen: "Of course it will pass. Daly's the only one who might have the balls to vote against it. They should be scheduling monthly hearings before the Board on how to change SFPD hiring practices. They have a new contract coming up with these guys in 6 months and they should be picking apart the old one now."

Jester: "So, they screw up and the mayor recommends they get a raise for it, huh? They are sounding more and more like PG&E. I understand that Alex Fagan Jr. is eligible to come back now if he wants."

Eileen: (pouring more champagne) "Public safety is Newsom's Achilles' heel and his people keep tossing the ball back to the supes ... and, it's always the same answer ... throw more money to the cops for being incompetent. Hire two more managers at OES to cover up the incompetent director Newsom picked. Praise the head of the fire department for reversing the integration of the paramedic and firefighting positions. I'd love to design a campaign for a candidate who just toured the City pointing out holes in our defenses. (ponders) I'd start with them talking in front of the residence the City built for the fire chief after '06 and where the present chief refuses to live. Get a shot of your candidate in front of one of those purple fire trucks that you can't see and another with a picture of the one someone blasted down on Polk street because, as one reporter said: 'It was as if they didn't even see the truck.'"

Jester: (hangs up phone) "That was Luke. We're on deadline. Give me a couple of more items fast."

Eileen: (sipping from her glass as she looks out her window looking over the Bay) "The Chronicle is continuing to insult the DeBartolo's. Cecilia Vega wrote a column this morning in which she quoted one of Gavin's staff saying John York was: 'obsessed with minor details at the expense of the big picture and inexperienced when it came to overseeing a high-stakes deal'. She didn't bother to balance out the piece by talking about the power and massive accomplishments of the DeBartolo family engineering company. The Chronicle is on a mission to smear the entire family."

Jester: "What will happen?"

Eileen: (lights another joint) "Someone is going to wake up with a horse's head in their bed."

Jester: (laughing) "That's very good. Now, one more quick item before I get this thing online."

Eileen: "Remind people that today is Josh Wolf's 93rd day in prison and that his hearing for release is also today. The Examiner ran the thing with his picture and Luke and every other news outlet should keep a picture of him posted somewhere on their publications daily, recording how long he's been in and when the next benefit rally is for him. There's one the first week of December I think."

Josh Wolf

Jester: "You got it, girl."

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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