With h brown
Court Jester interviews OJ
November 21, 2006
"Now I'm after Michael
OK, I didn't talk to OJ. But, I did talk to Eileen Left and
she has some very definite opinions these days. This is a good
thing, cause I've just been kinda cruising since the election.
Adjusting tourniquets, that kind of thing. Eileen, though, she's
been keeping her eye on things.
Eileen: "I want you to 'out' SF Sweetie."
Jester: "Who the hell is that?"
Eileen: (angry) "Well, you think she's a friend and
she's not, for one thing. She's been attacking everyone from the
Club to Harvey
Milk and Sarah
Low on the Wall. She's a duplicitous bitch!"
Jester: (shakes head) "I know who you mean. She's
high up on one of Gavin's commissions? Nope, I ain't gonna do
it. Everyone knows who the people are on the chat rooms anyway.
It's amusing when they show their asses. Just leave it at that.
Everyone knows who she is."
Eileen: (amazed) "Did you see her trying to get her
fellow jackals to attack
Fog City Journal!?"
Jester: (laughing) "Of course! Kiddo, that's all
good for the site. Just let it go and tell me about something
else. (considers) Why are you defending Luke? You are such a political
Eileen: (laughs - kicks off shoes and goes to her deep
maroon, huge velvet couch) "Naw, he works too much. I like
men who take time to party. (grabs a fresh strawberry from a bowl
on the coffee table before her couch, dips it into some fresh
melted chocolate and munches away) Want me to tell you some things
you don't know and need to?"
Jester: (lighting a joint) "I'm all ears."
Eileen: (pours a glass of champagne and pours another
"The reason your neighborhood, and Jens' are so bad is
because you live inside what the cops call 'containment' zones.
Basically, they herd the most dangerous and perverted and violent
into a neighborhood mostly populated by the most vulnerable and
then go away."
Jester: (shrugs) "This is news?"
Eileen: (shakes head) "You could sue them. They're
telling criminals it's OK to ply their trade where you live, but
not in wealthier neighborhoods."
Jester: (starting to type) "Today the Board of supes
is going to give the cops another million bucks to maintain the
same culture they have in the force now."
Eileen: (laughs) "You gotta admire their chutzpah.
Their response to a demand for change is to ask for a special
supplement so that they can hire more of the same kind of cops
who got 'em into all the trouble and to keep the oldest and most
conservative past their retirement dates."
Jester: "Will it pass?"
Eileen: "Of course it will pass. Daly's the only
one who might have the balls to vote against it. They should be
scheduling monthly hearings before the Board on how to change
SFPD hiring practices. They have a new contract coming up with
these guys in 6 months and they should be picking apart the old
Jester: "So, they screw up and the mayor recommends
they get a raise for it, huh? They are sounding more and more
like PG&E. I understand that Alex Fagan Jr. is eligible to
come back now if he wants."
Eileen: (pouring more champagne) "Public safety is
Newsom's Achilles' heel and his people keep tossing the ball back
to the supes ... and, it's always the same answer ... throw more
money to the cops for being incompetent. Hire two more managers
at OES to cover up the incompetent director Newsom picked. Praise
the head of the fire department for reversing the integration
of the paramedic and firefighting positions. I'd love to design
a campaign for a candidate who just toured the City pointing out
holes in our defenses. (ponders) I'd start with them talking in
front of the residence the City built for the fire chief after
'06 and where the present chief refuses to live. Get a shot of
your candidate in front of one of those purple fire trucks that
you can't see and another with a picture of the one someone blasted
down on Polk street because, as one reporter said: 'It was as
if they didn't even see the truck.'"
Jester: (hangs up phone) "That was Luke. We're on
deadline. Give me a couple of more items fast."
Eileen: (sipping from her glass as she looks out her window
looking over the Bay) "The Chronicle is continuing to insult
the DeBartolo's. Cecilia Vega wrote
a column this morning in which she quoted one of Gavin's staff
saying John York was: 'obsessed with minor details at the expense
of the big picture and inexperienced when it came to overseeing
a high-stakes deal'. She didn't bother to balance out the piece
by talking about the power and massive accomplishments of the
DeBartolo family engineering company. The Chronicle is on a mission
to smear the entire family."
Jester: "What will happen?"
Eileen: (lights another joint) "Someone is going
to wake up with a horse's head in their bed."
Jester: (laughing) "That's very good. Now, one more
quick item before I get this thing online."
Eileen: "Remind people that today is Josh Wolf's
93rd day in prison and that his hearing for release is also today.
The Examiner ran the thing with his picture and Luke and every
other news outlet should keep a picture of him posted somewhere
on their publications daily, recording how long he's been in and
when the next benefit rally is for him. There's one the first
week of December I think."
Jester: "You got it, girl."
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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