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With h brown

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Court Jester Christmas Roast


By h. brown


December 14, 2006

"Jester knows if you've been naughty or nice."

(Eileen Left)

Hey, I love you all. Even those of you I detest. That's cause altogether you compose the fabric of this wonderful environment in which I exist. A fecund landscape of terror, joy, creativity and despair. A starting line for great art. You all are the smartest, sexiest, meanest, most beautiful, highest, drunkest, conniving, generous, repressed, loving, tortured, ambitious, humble, and totally confused people in the whole world.

Anyway, I got tired of trying to figure out what to get you for Christmas, so I thought I'd give you words. They're free and I have an endless supply. Cheers, and here's my Christmas shopping list and what I chose for each of you.

Court Jester's Christmas Stocking 2006

Mayor Newsom - A 3' x 4' George Michael pin-up poster

Photo by Bill Wilson

Alex Tourk - A gift certificate from Murder Inc. and Jack Davis' address

Alex Tourk

Charles Kalish - Reindeer to pull his truck

Charles Kalish

Matt Gonzalez - A chariot and wreath of olives for his visits to Green Party functions

Matt Gonzalez

Neska - A new hit play with her music

Michael Cohen - Ten years in Folsom

Base Reuse and Real Estate Development Director Michael Cohen

Aaron Peskin - A dvd of all of Sylvia Johnson's Public Comments (2000-2006)

Supervisor Aaron Peskin and Savannah Blackwell

Gary Delugnuts - A Fish and Game tag hanging from his left ear

POA Chief, Gary Delagnes

David Pilpel - A robot therapist

Krissy Keefer - Krissy for mayor

Krissy Keefer

Sean Elsbernd - Two steel balls to juggle in his right hand as he listens to Progressive supes

Supervisor Sean Elsbernd

Katherine Roberts - Her own chat room with Michael Ege

Marc Salomon - Another year as the tip of the Progressive spear

Ross Mirkarimi - More confidence and self-assurance

Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi

My family - The legal right to change your names

John Rizzo - A lifetime free parking space in the Concourse Garage

College Board elect John Rizzo

Mesha Monge - A McArthur prize for her historic work

Walter Paulson - A dvd of all of Sylvia Johnson's Public Comments (2000-2006)

Savannah Blackwell - A filter for her pool and some sushi for her landlady

Ania Wierzbowska - A diamond and silver mine

Doug McAbee - A double return on his hard work, trust and friendship

Michael Hennessey - Enough ambition to declare for mayor

Sherrif Michael Hennessy

Sylvia Johnson - An interpreter mime from Pickle Family Circus

(You people are hard to buy for and this is costing me plenty, you better believe)

Luke Thomas - The luck of the Irish

Luke Thomas with Tarek bin Laden and Coco Polizzi
Photo by Assemblymember Fiona Ma

Alex Clemens - More success for an honorable man

Sophie Maxwell - Me as an adviser for 4 years

Supervisor Sophie Maxwell

Boris Delepine - A warehouse of chewing gum and a boatload of patience

Soccer mad Boris Delepine (2nd from right) with fellow footy afficionados watching France lose to Italy in the 2006 World Cup Final.

Tony Hall - Revenge, cold and final

Former Supervisor and Treasure Island triple play component Tony Hall

Evelyn Nieves - A 3'x4' poster of Che Guevara

Cecilia Vega - A compass

Ken Garcia - A 'stop' order on Warren Hellman's checks

Ken Garcia and former District 6 candidate for Supervisor Rob Black
Photo by Adam Aufdencamp

Everyone who died this year - An honest attempt to capture you faithfully in words

Everyone born - My sincerest best wishes and sympathy

+ + +

It's not easy to be my friend. I'm a self-indulgent slob who has to say "I'm sorry' way too often." I apologize to you all for that and I'll try to do better over the next year. However, between now and New Year's I intend to continue my wicked ways. You up for it?

Salon is 1-3pm tomorrow and then it's on to Ross' promise kept. Yeah, owe you Ross. Remember in the campaign when it came up whether the candidates would promise to keep the Gonzo monthly art parties going? I think everyone but Anderson agreed (he wanted to hang a cyclist weekly).

Anyway, you kept your word, Ross, and we appreciate it. All of you who don't know Danielle Erville, come and see her and what's her name, the other artist's work tomorrow at Ross', and thanks to Regina who sets these things up.

Campers: email me if I didn't get you anything ... I'll do adendum next week

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.


Editor's Note: Views expressed by columnists published on FogCityJournal.com are not necessarily the views or beliefs of Fog City Journal. Fog City Journal supports free speech in all its varied forms and provides a forum for a complete spectrum of viewpoints.



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