With h brown
Court Jester Christmas Roast
December 14, 2006
"Jester knows if you've been naughty or nice."
Hey, I love you all. Even those of you I detest. That's cause
altogether you compose the fabric of this wonderful environment
in which I exist. A fecund landscape of terror, joy, creativity
and despair. A starting line for great art. You all are the smartest,
sexiest, meanest, most beautiful, highest, drunkest, conniving,
generous, repressed, loving, tortured, ambitious, humble, and
totally confused people in the whole world.
Anyway, I got tired of trying to figure out what to get you for
Christmas, so I thought I'd give you words. They're free and I
have an endless supply. Cheers, and here's my Christmas shopping
list and what I chose for each of you.
Court Jester's Christmas Stocking 2006
Mayor Newsom - A 3' x 4' George Michael pin-up poster
Photo by Bill Wilson
Alex Tourk - A gift certificate from Murder Inc. and Jack Davis'
Charles Kalish - Reindeer to pull his truck
Matt Gonzalez - A chariot and wreath of olives for his visits
to Green Party functions
Neska - A new hit play with her music
Michael Cohen - Ten years in Folsom
Base Reuse and Real Estate Development Director Michael Cohen
Aaron Peskin - A dvd of all of Sylvia Johnson's Public Comments
Supervisor Aaron Peskin and Savannah Blackwell
Gary Delugnuts - A Fish and Game tag hanging from his left ear
POA Chief, Gary Delagnes
David Pilpel - A robot therapist
Krissy Keefer - Krissy for mayor
Sean Elsbernd - Two steel balls to juggle in his right hand as
he listens to Progressive supes
Supervisor Sean Elsbernd
Katherine Roberts - Her own chat room with Michael Ege
Marc Salomon - Another year as the tip of the Progressive spear
Ross Mirkarimi - More confidence and self-assurance
Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi
My family - The legal right to change your names
John Rizzo - A lifetime free parking space in the Concourse Garage
College Board elect John Rizzo
Mesha Monge - A McArthur prize for her historic work
Walter Paulson - A dvd of all of Sylvia Johnson's Public Comments
Savannah Blackwell - A filter for her pool and some sushi for
Ania Wierzbowska - A diamond and silver mine
Doug McAbee - A double return on his hard work, trust and friendship
Michael Hennessey - Enough ambition to declare for mayor
Sherrif Michael Hennessy
Sylvia Johnson - An interpreter mime from Pickle Family Circus
(You people are hard to buy for and this is costing me plenty,
you better believe)
Luke Thomas - The luck of the Irish
Luke Thomas with Tarek bin Laden and Coco Polizzi
Photo by Assemblymember Fiona Ma
Alex Clemens - More success for an honorable man
Sophie Maxwell - Me as an adviser for 4 years
Supervisor Sophie Maxwell
Boris Delepine - A warehouse of chewing gum and a boatload of
Soccer mad Boris Delepine (2nd from right) with fellow footy afficionados
watching France lose to Italy in the 2006 World Cup Final.
Tony Hall - Revenge, cold and final
Former Supervisor and Treasure Island triple play component Tony
Evelyn Nieves - A 3'x4' poster of Che Guevara
Cecilia Vega - A compass
Ken Garcia - A 'stop' order on Warren Hellman's checks
Ken Garcia and former District 6 candidate for Supervisor Rob
Photo by Adam Aufdencamp
Everyone who died this year - An honest attempt to capture you
faithfully in words
Everyone born - My sincerest best wishes and sympathy
+ + +
It's not easy to be my friend. I'm a self-indulgent slob who
has to say "I'm sorry' way too often." I apologize to
you all for that and I'll try to do better over the next year.
However, between now and New Year's I intend to continue my wicked
ways. You up for it?
Salon is 1-3pm tomorrow and then it's on to Ross' promise kept.
Yeah, owe you Ross. Remember in the campaign when it came up whether
the candidates would promise to keep the Gonzo monthly art parties
going? I think everyone but Anderson agreed (he wanted to hang
a cyclist weekly).
Anyway, you kept your word, Ross, and we appreciate it. All
of you who don't know Danielle Erville, come and see her and what's
her name, the other artist's work tomorrow at Ross', and thanks
to Regina who sets these things up.
Campers: email me if I didn't get you anything ... I'll do adendum
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at email@example.com.
Editor's Note: Views expressed by columnists
published on FogCityJournal.com are not necessarily the views or beliefs of
Fog City Journal. Fog City Journal supports free speech in all its varied forms
and provides a forum for a complete spectrum of viewpoints.