With h brown
Court Jester reviews Chronicle's chronic fear
March 25, 2007
Chronicle Death Watch goes 24/7
(barefoot bloggers overrun food critics)
"David Lazarus makes too much money."
Wall Street likes blogger model
("What's not to like?")
They work for free. They don't need a parking space. They don't
mind sleeping on the floor, or the humiliation of peeing in the
sink of a Tenderloin SRO. They don't need high priced editors.
They rarely have the funds to use soap or toothpaste, and they
rarely sleep. Best of all, they work for free. Did I already mention
Chronicle shooting wounded in mad assault on free speech
For the life of me, I can't figure out what they're smoking
over at the Swell's flagship daily. First, bloggers don't exist
or are inconsequential. Now, bloggers are the death of 'real'
journalism. I smell blood.
On TV, Tom Stienstra strides through the redwoods with a ranger
who listens to him raptly. Once Tom is fired, the same ranger
will arrest him for gathering shrubs and berries to feed his starving
family at exactly the same spot.
'You getting paid by the friggin' word?"
OK, bottom line it here. I was right again. OK, I know you're
getting tired of hearing that. But, it's true. I said a couple
of days ago that it looked like the Chron writers had decided
around their Arrowhead water cooler that they were going to bring
down the blogosphere.
Everyone laughed and so did I. I offered little in the way of
support for my argument. A couple of articles and a cartoon. But,
today they attack
online food critics, for God's sake, in the center, front-page
headline that ignored the possibility of nuclear war in Iran?
Then, the Chron's 'Two Cents' riff calls bloggers "self-proclaimed
journalists" and "amateur
blogs, incoherent rants." Yeah, we've got a full on assault
Incoherent rant #48
When you were in college, you pompous mainstream media assholes
should have picked your minors more carefully. Once you lose your
jobs, we'll find out if you're real writers, or just poseurs with
connections. For 90% of you, it is certainly the latter.
How do you compete with people who not only are more dedicated
than you, but are willing to eat table scraps and drink flat beer?
You know what the hottest job for graduates of the famed U.C.
School of Journalism is? It's PI/Analyst. That means it's easier
to get a decent paying job as a private investigator than as a
paid reporter. Let's learn from that.
I'd say that anyone majoring in journalism at U.C. should be
minoring in something like Kung Fu with an emphasis in Bail Bonds
Food critics should definitely minor in over-the-road truck
driving. That way, when the free-bin of online smart-ass and pretentious
clones of wannabes described
in today's front-page Chron piece, renders them unemployed,
they can take to the roads and report online about truck stop
cuisine. And, of course, the cleanliness of their showers and
bunks, the STD rate among truck stop hookers and the purity of
the local meth.
. and on...
I mean, give me a friggin' break. Like the Chron is going to
win this battle by paying too much money to stymied dead weights
Kilduff? Put on your parachute and take a number, Marshall.
And, there are other problems that weigh down knuckle-dragging,
union busting publishers like Frank
It ain't just Kilduff. How does he fire Bill Keane? Keane is
arguably the worst cartoonist in America. But, he has political
The future of journalism is online as it is at present. Killing
trees is so 20th century.
There are two things that people will do for free. One of them
is propogate. The other one is write. In both instances the 'amateur',
with his/her heart in the activity, is always more fun.
Bottom line for Chron reporters
Many of you are going to get pink slips. That's a simple fact.
If you really have writing in your blood, then you'll continue
writing and contributing your work to the public. But, suddenly
you can be arrested and imprisoned for doing exactly the same
thing you do now, only doing it for free.
The Hearst syndicate is trying to criminalize online journalism
and you are helping them. The Hearst-designed national shield
law specifically leaves most online journalists unprotected. And,
while I don't give a shit if you don't respect me, I do mind if
you maneuver to imprison me.
Josh Wolf remains in prison. His pop, Len
Harrison is maintaining a daily vigil in front of the federal
building at Larkin and Golden Gate. Come bring him a cup of coffee.
Watch his banner and candles while he goes to pee. He has more
integrity in his little finger than David Lazarus has in his entire
Kudos for Kops
(yeah, it happens)
A friend of mine who suffers from scoliosis was in great pain.
She went to SFGH and got an X-ray. They told her she was OK. Two
days later 2 cops show up at her door. Seems the medical staff
had looked at her pics again and decided that she might have a
broken hip. They couldn't reach her by phone so the cops came
out to make certain she was OK. I am eternally grateful to the
cops for making that visit. She went back in for an MRI and there
is no break.
Southern cops shine
My liquor store is in a bad neighborhood as are most liquor
stores. This particular store is called 'Travelers Liquors', thus
named I'd guess because it's just down the street on 7th from
where the old Greyhound Bus Station used to be.
Well, let's be honest here, 7th street between Market and Mission
isn't the best of neighborhoods. And liquor stores in poor neighborhoods
come with a virtual flotilla of sidewalk blocking predatory drunks
and thieves. There is a 250 lb or so bully who terrorizes the
sidewalk in front of Travelers Liquors.
Two days ago, as I left the store with my flask safely tucked
away, I watched the thug deftly pick a pack of cigarettes from
the coat pocket of an old man with a cane. It was the pack of
smokes he'd just sold the man.
Well, I raised hell. Told him he was a thief and he should give
the cigarettes back. He told me it was none of my business and
Now, having no common sense is almost as good as being young
and strong, and so I jawed at him 'til I saw a sector car from
Southern station cruising in our direction and flagged them down.
They yelled at me for coming out in the street, but they did go
over and confront this local smalltime thug. I am grateful for
David Campos keeps his word
Police Commissioner David Campos promised me last week that
he'd raise the issue of steroid testing for cops at this week's
meeting of the commission. Imagine my surprise when he actually
did it. He took the first step in gathering information for a
Not only that, he pressed Commission President, Louise Renne,
to calendar hearings on both the Josh Wolf incarceration and another
on Patrol Specials.
I am watching, David. I am listening.
" I don't like crowds. I don't even like going to the
(my favorite bass player)
My new favorite band is coming to town soon but I don't know
exactly where or when they're playing. You have to be invited
to their performances and then you're never sure. Imagine that.
Touching the 'g' spot of chaos rock since 2006
Yeah, that about describes them. I'll write a review and name
them after they've left SF. Best band around. No tickets. No advertising.
No traditional venue location.
Wish me luck. Anyone got any psychedelics?
Danny Glover for Mayor.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at email@example.com.
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