With h brown
San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
24 hours in the life of h. Brown
("and that brings up Bonds!" - radio)
June 24, 2007
First, let's dump all this "Can't we all be civil and just
get along?" bullshit. Of course we can't. We've never been
able to. In 5,000 years of human history, we have records and
evidence of 25,000 wars, around 5 a year. I was talking about
it with Eric Steinberg, the local head of Homeland Security at
City Hall, and a CIA mole named Wayne Justmann (at least, that's
what they said they were when I challenged them)
to Eric and Wayne while tossing glancing shots at Mike Farrah
and Margaret Brodkin (I met her at Oberlin College long ago) and
getting some advice to let up on Peskin from Daly aide, James
Keyes, and getting my pic taken with a couple of FCJ frequent
fliers (Elaine Santore and Hope Johnson).
Homeland Security head and h. Brown's homie, Eric Steinberg,
poses with Brown and Wayne Justmann.
James Keyes and h. Brown.
Mayoral arm candy Hope Johnson and Elaine Santore.
I was there on the stairs of City Hall to support Daly's counter-budget
before Thursday's Budget Committee meeting. The crowd was both
game and randy. The Mayor and the feds and the cops had their
people working the crowd (poor people are automatically considered
potential terrorists) and I worked them as they worked us.
Steinberg told me I was no danger (good news) and they didn't
need to pick me up because they knew everywhere I went. He said
that no one paid any attention to me anyway.
I nodded and asked if he could get the fat Sheriff's sergeant
out of the street cause he had no reason to be there and that
he always just harassed people anyway. I asked Farrah why Newsom
didn't have the juice to have a permanent cop in the crosswalk
during business hours in front of City Hall like Willie did and
he got a little pissed and a couple of minutes later an SFPD cop
roared up and parked on the sidewalk across the street and ran
over and chased off the fat deputy with the attitude. I don't
know if Farrah or Steinberg made that happen, but it was a big
improvement. The crowd started at 200, but by the time everyone
was ready to go inside there were easily 500 people wandering
Apologies to Steinberg's assistant
I like Steinberg. We talked about war strategy from China to
Switzerland as the crowd shifted around the demonstration and
he barked an occasional order into his walkie-talkie. He's sharp.
I know more about war than most generals, and he knows more than
I do. My specialty is nuclear war and armaments (spent years writing
on the subject), but Eric knows classic warfare.
He mentioned offhand that I'd made a derogatory remark about
his assistant when the guy started a year or two back (I did it
in print), and he wasn't happy about it. I offered apologies and
promised to put an apology in this column. Goddamn, I do a lot
of apologizing (pardon my blasphemy). I did point out to the DHS
station chief (no, I don't know that for certain and I am, after
all, a satirist)
did note to him that his remembering a
line from a column I wrote a couple of years back and never sent
to him, seemed to contradict his dismissal of my work. He laughed
and told me that if he told me what he really did that he'd have
to kill me. We both laughed. It's kind of like our pass-phrase.
Anyway, we're not all enemies all the time. Gavin doesn't send
Farrah down to work a crowd by accident. Michael is a powerful
personality but he is a gentleman and you can't rattle him, or
get any information from him. Most of the Newsom circle is like
that now. The cops don't send hotheads either, nor do the feds.
And, trust me, they are at every such gathering.
Luke, Elaine and Hope went inside to watch testimony, but I knew
it would last many hours and begged off to go take a nap. We gathered
for the 2-hour window in which my pal, Jens Nielsen's 'World's
Smallest Nightclub' is open (been going there for 30 years when
I'm in town)
it turned out that Tenderloin precinct Captain
Jimenez was ready with a show below Jens' window. Dig the pictures
below of us settling in with a bottle of champagne and a will
to keep rocking 'til we drop and the others of Jimenez's guys
doing their job.
Everything you've heard and read about Fog City Journal is true,
just like you know who...
Tenderloin detectives bust bad guys!
Incidentally, those of us who have lived in the TL for a couple
of decades or more do not consider drug dealers, crack whores,
pimps and the insane to be necessary street furniture. Do not
assume that just because you think I am a bleeding heart liberal,
that I am a bleeding heart liberal. Nice job Thursday night Captain
Gary Jimenez. I do hate to tell you that by noon Friday, the black
whores and dealers from Oakland had been replaced with a much
younger contingent (Lord, these girls are out there in their early
from Mexico City (so they say). Whatever, credit
where due and Gary's guys cleared the tough, tough corner of O'Farrell
and Larkin and Jens' block down Larkin east for almost 24 hours.
Get really radical Gary.
Captain Gary Jimenez' guys doing their job.
Other than things you don't need to know, that was Thursday from
4pm 'til 10pm. At all other times, I am either bent over this
computer while listening to wild rock music, smoking pot and drinking
or, passed out on the floor. It's probably not
the smartest way to lead your life, but I've been productive and
I'll give up creature comforts for art every time.
What happened next?
There was this cockroach, you see? Jens doesn't have them, so
coming across the thing in the leftovers from the previous night's
glass of champagne was a bit of a surprise.
Jens was getting ready to go to the Sonoma Fair with Chuck Gonzalez
and 'Wiggy' to see Cheap Trick and he had the day off. Jens being
off, I filed a column (you having any trouble getting these? -
may be slight distribution problem)
so, I filed a column
around 9am and went and hung out with Jens for a couple of hours
before proceeding to my Bulldog Salon. Anyway, there was this
I'd brought bourbon, so I didn't want the wine, but the glass
was so dirty that I didn't notice the floating bug until I poured
the glass into the sink. It wouldn't drain down through the narrow
filter, so I ignored it and went to drinking and smoking and listening
and talking and the same stuff we've done since Johnson was president.
Later, I went to the sink to take a leak (that's the not-so-secret,
secret of SRO life) and when I whizzed, the roach floated up in
the foam and it was disgusting even for a low-life like me and
after I'd flushed the sink properly I went and got a bit of toilet
tissue and took the thing out of the sink and started to toss
it into the trash and Jens asked what it was and I said that it
was a roach drowned in cheap wine and piss and Jens says with
a straight face:
"Do you think we should give it mouth to mouth?"
(cancel your subscription?)
Then came the Summer Solstice Salon
It was yesterday and like today, it was a gorgeous and sunny
San Francisco day. The streets were swelling with hundreds of
thousands of tourists in for Gay Pride Week. Lit up at Jens',
I fouled my card a bit with some of the regulars. It was one of
those gatherings where half the people don't want their names
mentioned and you wouldn't recognize them anyway and that's the
idea (we gotta get these things indoors). One of those gatherings.
I ranted at Marc Salomon about chat rooms and Jerry Jervis about
neighborhood activism and Janet Tandy told me I was over-the-top
and she wouldn't come back if I didn't quit being so drunk and
I told her that I had to be me (yeah, I know, I've sent regrets
- overall, a very passionate day with lots of joys and regrets).
No one took pictures and I won't tell you the topics cause I
don't remember them all but for 2 hours (kinda like 'World's Smallest
for 2 hours, you can't find a purer rush. It
led naturally to a nap and a re-group at Alex Clemens' 40th birthday
Why does Clemens hate Luke Thomas?
Shouldn't there be some clear reason for a feud? I mean, Cain
killed Abel because Abel was banging his wife or something, right?
You don't have to have a reason for doing something, but when
your activity involves others, it would be nice. That's why I
hate this Clemens/Thomas feud (entirely one-sided on Alex's part
at this time).
I was looking forward to a hell of time hob-nobbing with Alex's
community, as it were and then he tells me that Luke Thomas isn't
welcome and I keep thinking that I cleared that up the other night
when I drunk-dialed him and told him I wanted to bring 4 women,
plus Luke and Elaine. Clearly, I missed the connection. He was
asleep and I was drunk when we talked. Not the best combination.
Anyway, I took a nap after Salon and straggled in an hour late
but sober for the Clemens bash. I managed to insult Aaron Peskin
and Sam Singer (a new introduction - 'Hi Sam, watch your bottom
Barely passed the door when Alex came up to whisper
to me outside that Luke Thomas was not welcome. When I asked him
why, he got all vague and I left it at that and boycotted. I should
note that as I left, Sue Vaughan and Joe Lynn (pure Greens?) they
came up to me and I told them why I was leaving and both of them
walked me halfway up the street, then looked back at Peskin beckoning
to them and
went with Peskin. Power has great allure.
My fire escape looks right down on the Gay Pride Parade and I'm
having a private party on my fire escape for 2 hours. Why are
all good times only 2 hours? Is there an echo in here? Maybe that
roach was a re--incarnated famous Green Party hero.
"If you want to get down on the ground?
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie:
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at email@example.com.
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