COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

"I find orgies boring
and my vacuum cleaner keeps turning itself on"

(passing thoughts on a Sunday morn)

By h. brown

July 3, 2007

Ever had that happen to you? The vacuum cleaner thing, I mean. Certainly you've done orgies and found them boring. The vac thing, though … I never had that experience.

"Unplug it and shut up!!"

(Eileen - adjusting sleep mask)

She's right, of course. I make too big a deal out of small things like nuclear armaments and rogue floor sweepers. Always looking for a message from God or Satan. Either will do.

If it were a machine with a button, I could ignore it. But, it's got one of those slide switches that you have to push forward a full half inch or so to turn it on. And, about 3 or 4 times a day (maybe more, I'm not here all the time), the thing slides its own switch and fires up.

I'm at my wit's end

A short trip on a good day. I'm thinking it's either some kind of mechanical poltergeist or an extra-terrestrial presence. Those are the only things that make sense. Somehow, I have to get the news out.

"Could you take the dog for a walk?"

(Eileen)

Thing is, we don't have a dog. But then, Eileen doesn't exist either, so there you have it. Toss in the ghost running the vacuum cleaner, a pint of bourbon and some killer weed and we got ourselves a Sunday morning column going.

"When we last left reality … "

I went to an amazing party on a Full Moon and it was like being a bit player in a David Lynch movie. Fellini? No, probably not proper to mention much of what went on. Just let me say on behalf of myself and to quote a great political leader: "Everything bad that you heard that I did, is true…" Let's go to the local race for Mayor.

Gonzalez pins last hopes on poll

Hall in race to stay

Daly says: "Ask my wife."

Newsom paying $5 a signature

We got around to 'drunk-dialing' from the World's Smallest Nightclub last evening and the results are the 4 headers above. Only Ross Mirkarimi didn't return queries but one of his volunteers phoned on his behalf inviting us to cover some event or other.

What do you make of Gonzalez doing a poll at this point? I'm betting we'll never see the results cause they'll be bad. I have no details except that the former Board Prez expects results by the weekend. Good luck, Matt and if you don't get the results you want…

Tony Hall says I was totally off-base last week in my speculation that no news coming out of his campaign was bad news. All is well, he's in for the duration and has a field operation coming together with 150 volunteers, a staff of a dozen and a top ad person in place.

I won't give up on Daly coming into the race until the August 10th filing deadline. He's back from a big lefty convention in Atlanta and was in a good mood.

One of our Salonites ran into the Newsom faux-signature campaign in the Sunset over the weekend. Word from those pocketing the cash is that Gavin spent a few minutes getting photographed holding a clipboard then handed-off the task to the paid temporary help. Let's see, he needs 10,000 signatures-in-lieu and they'll need another half that many to be certain they get enough. So, he'll start by spending $75,000 faking support. Which actually dovetails nicely with his fake Town Hall meetings and phony polls.

'Jeopardy'

Answer: "Plus or minus 100%."

Question: "What is the standard deviation in a David Binder poll?"

"Dirty deeds done dirt cheap."

(Eric Jaye's business card)

Newsom Campaign Manager Eric Jaye

OK, that last one is from AC/DC but it does fit most political consultants. Except for the 'cheap' part. I've been searching around for a consultant for my own campaign and have pretty much decided to ask either Ed Jew or Armando Benitez. They're both great at getting headlines and Ed's a top fundraiser.

Steroids and the POA

I wonder how many SF cops, pumped-up on steroids, were alarmed by the news that wrestler, Chris Benoit committed a triple murder loaded on the shit. Of particular interest in the story should be that Benoit's child was autistic. It ain't just yourselves and the public you're harming, guys. Stats show you're more likely to father children with serious defects if you do the drug.

'Downtown' to environment: "F-U!"

"Allows property owners to build at least
one parking space regardless of bus stops,
bicycle lanes or trees that may be in the way."

That last line there says it all. Parking moguls like Walter Shorenstein (recall the C3 legislation) want their attacks upon rapid transit, bicycles and the very air itself to become completely legal. If this thing passes, it will adds thousands of cars to our streets, slow public transit even further and make cycling even more dangerous. There's even a little twist by which a developer can build a parking garage next door to you to service a new condo project a quarter of a mile away. Bad, bad news. Marc Salomon is working on an 'evil twin' measure to counter it on the ballot.

Gotta turn off the vac.

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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