The CrackBerry Chronicles
With Elaine Santore
May 18, 2007
Why I'll Never Make the Maxim Hot 100
Before discovering the exciting world of journalism, I had big
dreams of becoming a Hollywood movie star. Thankfully, for the
world, and myself, destiny did not that way intend. Part of the
grand scheme was to make the Maxim
Every year, Maxim magazine
releases its top 100 picks for the hottest women in the world.
I'm sure Maxim has developed a mathematical formula for determining
a female's hottness quotient. Results of that formula led Maxim
editors to award this year's top honor to 20-year-old Lindsay
Maxim's #1 gal, Lindsay Lohan.
Does this dress come in "overexposed" or "marginally
The mag's choice of Lohan came as a surprise because the actress/singer/recovering
alcoholic, hasn't had a hit film in four years. However, one must
give props where props are due: Lohan gives the illusion of being
promising and talented. She certainly acts like she can act. And
in Hollywood, as with politics, appearances are everything.
On Wednesday eve, Fog City Journal joined a mostly progressive
bunch of who's-who at the Temple Bar for the 4th Annual SF Political
Trivia Contest. The opening moderators included Supervisor Chris
Daly, Building Inspection Commission President Debra Walker, Community
College Board Trustee John Rizzo and Kim Knox.
Daly revealed exclusively to Fog City that he shaved off his
mountain man beard at 10:45 p.m on Tuesday night. Oh, yeah, and
his wife is sperminated.
Chris Daly (avec barbe)...
Debra Walker and Chris Daly (sans barbe).
Chris Daly stealing liberté
pomme frites, y'all! Somebody call Eric Jaye.
Elaine is NOT looking up answers on her CrackBerry.
A criminal amount of fun was had by all in attendance, especially
the night's winning team. The team was stacked with wonks
worthy of the moniker including Beyond Chron's advoscribe Paul
Hogarth, Fog City ethics guru Joe
Lynn, David Waggoner and Emmie Vic.
Brainiac victors Paul Hogarth, Emmie Vic, David Waggoner and Joe
The team's name 'That's so Gay,' came about because three of
its four members are gay. Can you guess who's not gay on the team?
When asked about TSG's recipe for success, Hogarth answered,
"There's no 'I' in team. We all listen, we all collaborate,
and we share each other's skills." He also noted his team's
expertise on all issues, including housing and election laws.
Regarding his Beyond Chron article,
Should Progressives Prioritize the Defeat of Newsom?, Hogarth
said he has been assured he will be eating his words come November
"Chris [Daly] predicted that I'd be eating my words the
day after the election, and I told him, 'I hope you're right.
I want to be proven wrong.'"
The most entertaining moderator was Supervisor Jake McGoldrick,
who went into full teacher mode, complete with Blackboard
There will be no horsing
around on McGoldrick's watch.
Our favorite McGoldrick question: "Which US President died
in San Francisco? Which president do you wish would die
in San Francisco?"
Is that an essay question, sir?
District 5 Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi (aka Supervisor McDreamy)
arrived fashionably late, to the delight of all the ladies.
.Ladies love Ross the Boss.
However, I was disappointed to learn Sup. McDreamy can't pronounce
"Wikipedia" properly. But the levity in his delivery
of each question was refreshing, especially when other political
trivia games have become so Kafka-esque of late. As he said, "That's
so, like, scintillating."
Thomas a detention chit for talking during class.
Sheriff Michael Hennessey re-election campaign maestro, Jim Rivaldo.
The Three Amigos!
Police Commissioner Joe Veronese (right),
all smiles after doing
what's right for San Francisco.
Defense attorney Randall Knox explaining to Chris Daly why his
hairstyle would preclude the purchase of a barrister's
wig if he was a Queen's
CrackBerry Blind Item
Which mainstream media hack, and so-called "Voice of the
City," thinks he's hot enough to grope his female colleagues
while wearing his wedding ring? Worse, he's got his head so far
up the Mayor's rectum he can't remember the definition of progressive.
Pretending to be a journalist when you're really a flack isn't
yellow, it's chicken.