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The CrackBerry Chronicles

With Elaine Santore

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

By Elaine Santore


May 18, 2007

Why I'll Never Make the Maxim Hot 100

Before discovering the exciting world of journalism, I had big dreams of becoming a Hollywood movie star. Thankfully, for the world, and myself, destiny did not that way intend. Part of the grand scheme was to make the Maxim Hot 100.

Every year, Maxim magazine releases its top 100 picks for the hottest women in the world. I'm sure Maxim has developed a mathematical formula for determining a female's hottness quotient. Results of that formula led Maxim editors to award this year's top honor to 20-year-old Lindsay Lohan.

Maxim's #1 gal, Lindsay Lohan.
Does this dress come in "overexposed" or "marginally talented"?

The mag's choice of Lohan came as a surprise because the actress/singer/recovering alcoholic, hasn't had a hit film in four years. However, one must give props where props are due: Lohan gives the illusion of being promising and talented. She certainly acts like she can act. And in Hollywood, as with politics, appearances are everything.

Trivial Pursuits

On Wednesday eve, Fog City Journal joined a mostly progressive bunch of who's-who at the Temple Bar for the 4th Annual SF Political Trivia Contest. The opening moderators included Supervisor Chris Daly, Building Inspection Commission President Debra Walker, Community College Board Trustee John Rizzo and Kim Knox.

Daly revealed exclusively to Fog City that he shaved off his mountain man beard at 10:45 p.m on Tuesday night. Oh, yeah, and his wife is sperminated.

Chris Daly (avec barbe)...

Debra Walker and Chris Daly (sans barbe).

Chris Daly stealing liberté pomme frites, y'all! Somebody call Eric Jaye.

Elaine is NOT looking up answers on her CrackBerry.

A criminal amount of fun was had by all in attendance, especially the night's winning team. The team was stacked with wonks worthy of the moniker including Beyond Chron's advoscribe Paul Hogarth, Fog City ethics guru Joe Lynn, David Waggoner and Emmie Vic.

Brainiac victors Paul Hogarth, Emmie Vic, David Waggoner and Joe Lynn.

The team's name 'That's so Gay,' came about because three of its four members are gay. Can you guess who's not gay on the team?

When asked about TSG's recipe for success, Hogarth answered, "There's no 'I' in team. We all listen, we all collaborate, and we share each other's skills." He also noted his team's expertise on all issues, including housing and election laws.

Regarding his Beyond Chron article, Should Progressives Prioritize the Defeat of Newsom?, Hogarth said he has been assured he will be eating his words come November 7.

"Chris [Daly] predicted that I'd be eating my words the day after the election, and I told him, 'I hope you're right. I want to be proven wrong.'"

The most entertaining moderator was Supervisor Jake McGoldrick, who went into full teacher mode, complete with Blackboard Jungle ruler.

There will be no horsing around on McGoldrick's watch.

Our favorite McGoldrick question: "Which US President died in San Francisco? Which president do you wish would die in San Francisco?"

Is that an essay question, sir?

District 5 Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi (aka Supervisor McDreamy) arrived fashionably late, to the delight of all the ladies.

.Ladies love Ross the Boss.

However, I was disappointed to learn Sup. McDreamy can't pronounce "Wikipedia" properly. But the levity in his delivery of each question was refreshing, especially when other political trivia games have become so Kafka-esque of late. As he said, "That's so, like, scintillating."

Miss Brodie issues Luke Thomas a detention chit for talking during class.

Sheriff Michael Hennessey re-election campaign maestro, Jim Rivaldo.

The Three Amigos!

How big?

Police Commissioner Joe Veronese (right),
all smiles after doing what's right for San Francisco.

Defense attorney Randall Knox explaining to Chris Daly why his hairstyle would preclude the purchase of a barrister's wig if he was a Queen's Counsellor.

CrackBerry Blind Item

Which mainstream media hack, and so-called "Voice of the City," thinks he's hot enough to grope his female colleagues while wearing his wedding ring? Worse, he's got his head so far up the Mayor's rectum he can't remember the definition of progressive.

Pretending to be a journalist when you're really a flack isn't yellow, it's chicken.




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