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The CrackBerry Chronicles

With Elaine Santore

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

By Elaine Santore


June 6, 2007

Round One: You're so fired!

I got fired twice on Monday.

First I was fired from my underpaid, demeaning personal assistant job, which required me to fetch coffee, tanning spray, and prescription drugs for a desperate, frozen-faced cougar who wanted a paid best friend.

However, I did see it coming. That morning, a young, bubbly college grad walked into the office and interviewed for my position. Nobody bothered to alert me via Outlook. I went to the bathroom and texted my BFF: "I'm so fired."

In the end, the cougar told me, "You're just not driven."

If anybody wants her contact info to post on his or her MySpace blog, or for the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist, please let me know.

The first round of firing was devastating, as I'd never been fired before. However, I'd been thinking about quitting for a couple weeks, and the cougar just beat me to it.

Round Two: You're (kind of) fired!

By Monday evening, I felt much better. I was watching some bad reality TV when I received the following email on my CrackBerry:

Hi, Elaine --

We wanted to touch base with you regarding all the work you've done for SFist. Everyone's enjoyed the work you've submitted here; it's brought great attention to the site and promoted some good discussion. However, with your new column and prominent role at Fog City Journal, we're thinking it may be best that we scale down your contributions to SFist. It's getting a little hard to reconcile the "group feel" of SFist with your more prominent role at the FCJ and the successful "cult of personality" you're establishing there. Ultimately, we think it's in the readership's best interests to minimize confusion about SFist's affiliation with your FCJ stuff.

We'd definitely like to maintain a friendly relationship with you and Fog City Journal, with cross-links and heads ups and tips and the like if you're up for it, and we certainly wish you the best of luck; we're sure you'll keep knocking 'em dead wherever you're writing.


Jeremy, Matt, Rita

Again, none of this came as a surprise. I'd threatened to leave earlier because of the negative personal attacks from anonymous commenters, but stuck around because I believed I contributed value to the public discourse.

I didn't go into journalism to make friends. But I have made many friends over the years, and maintain good relationships with all the publications I've written for. I don't expect anything different from SFist. It's been an honor and a privilege to write for Jon Shurkin and Rita Hao, and I thank them for the opportunity they extended.

Almost a year ago, I returned to San Francisco with no money, no contacts, and very little knowledge of San Francisco politics. I began my relationship with SFist as a source. I went from party-crasher, to coat-check girl, to VIP and finally the rowdy drunk who gets ejected by no-neck security guards, all in less than eight months.

I'd say I'm pretty driven.




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