COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Watching Krissy run for Kongress XXVI

October 11, 2006

"If I'd have known I was going to live this long, I wouldn't have made so many enemies."

(Bulldog ponders with Jens)

Yesterday morning's Examiner ran letters from Mike DeNunzio and Sue Vaughan calling on Nancy Pelosi to debate the Republican, Green, and Libertarian candidates for the 8th Congressional District seat.

I called Krissy Keefer with the news.

But, Pelosi won't debate.

And, the League of Women voters will once again help Nancy hide from her opponents. Not so oddly, the head of the league who decided that San Francisco voters didn't want to see a debate featuring all candidates for our local seat ... this woman (Jody Sanford), is the Public Relations officer for the Presidio Trust. Uh huh, same trust that Pelosi founded. You know, the one making the Presidio into an office park? Same Presidio that the fundamentalist Examiner praises Pelosi for "privatizing".

Gravity suspended

As a Republican, DeNunzio works with Green, Keefer and Libertarian, Phil Berg to drag Pelosi into an open debate. You can help now if you're expecting an absentee ballot. If so, take that sucker and fill it out instantly and vote for someone other than Pelosi for U.S. Congress. I'm even going to refrain from asking you to vote for Keefer (although she's the most representative candidate, and I should, if only for the good of you and your children and grandchildren and for America). Take your time filling the sucker out. Department of Elections chief, John Arntz, is a Willie Brown appointee who told the last Green to run against Pelosi (Terry Baum - she got hell of a stage play out of the effort) ... Arntz told Baum that people who wrote her name in weren't really trying to vote for Terry. This year, Arntz sent letters to Keefer and Berg telling them that they owed under a dollar each in filing fees and had til the end of the same day the letter arrived to pay the money by personal check or be tossed off the ballot. This gang doesn't want any opposition at all for this office. Here's why the Pelosi people have seized control of every agency from the League of Women Voters to the local Department of Elections. Pelosi's people are ruthless because, ...

… This 8th District seat is the most important elected position in San Francisco. The SF rep deals with a 3 trillion dollar budget. I mean, shit, can you even wrap your mind around that? Pelosi uses her influence to toss literally billions in contracts to Lennar LLC which hired her nephew Laurence as a Senior V.P. She, in turn, endorses their efforts to grab control of the development of reclaimed bases all over the country (including 4 in the Bay area alone). Her last 'ear mark' of the budget process was to toss 4.8 million bucks into improving the 'infrastructure' of the radioactive dump referred to as 'Hunters Point Ship Yard'. Yeah, any money she brings in free from Uncle Sam is money that Lennar won't have to spend.

All of the Pelosi earmarks for the arts have gone to billionaires or their minions. She brought in 3.5 million last year and gave 2 million of it to a Shorenstein project and the rest to Dede Wilsey.

Pelosi refuses to endorse Gay Marriage

I don't believe there is a more San Francisco issue than Gay Marriage. Yet Nancy Pelosi refuses to make a statement supporting the right of gay Americans to wed. Now, that's a load of crap. Oh, she preaches on and on about opposing legislation that will take away gay rights. She just doesn't want to extend them to a level of equality. This issue alone would cost Pelosi 10's of thousands of votes were the local citizenry to become aware of it. But, with the Chronicle and Examiner backing Pelosi and the League of Women Voters shielding her from an honest debate, most supporters of Gay Marriage don't even realize that Pelosi is against them.

With friends like this ... who needs enemies?

Krissy Keefer has traveled the world performing theatrical works promoting peace, gay rights, an attack upon the sources of global warming, a restoration of funding for the arts ... the list goes on.

Over the past 30 years Keefer has helped to create national, state, and local organizations dedicated to the preservation and extension of rights to the oppressed, be they people of color or the victims of U.S. schemes of regional hegemony from Palestine to Cuba to Venezuela. She and her colleagues have staged over 2,000 productions. She's personally written a couple of hundred of them and choreographed a good percentage of those. The Bay Guardian says she's a "protest vote" at best? Who the hell knows more about making peace than a peace activist for God's sake? Who can dialogue best with Palestinians than someone who actually has sympathy for them?

Krissy's cuties cruise Gonzo and Thomas

And, I watched Chris Daly kick Rob Black's ass at the League of Women Voters debate at the main branch of the public library tonight. It was a good day. Krissy made stops at the Gonzalez & Leigh law firm to serenade the Green barrister and call for him to become more active in her campaign. "We miss you, Matt!" sang the three nubile dancers Keefer dispatched to woo the non-committal Green giant ... who then zoomed up Market to Golden Gate Ave to tear Fog City publisher, Luke Thomas, from his keyboard.

Face it, women can't get enough of Luke's lens.

Photo by Luke Thomas

Jordanna Thigpen looked voluptuous

We're at the Daly debate now. I work these crowds from a distance as much as possible and from above if it's possible. Jordanna had settled into a spot in the back of the theater next to the SFGTV camera with a direct shot at the stage. She was the best looking thing in the house and everyone knew it. Hey, I know that's sexist but if you'd seen the debate, you'd realize that we were all looking for an alternative focus within the first minute. Hey, don't take my word for it. Eileen Left was there and had this to say:

Jordanna Thigpen
Photo by Luke Thomas

Eileen: "They looked like 5 undertakers, a Ruskie hit man and a lost basketball coach."

Photos by Adam Aufdencamp

Dawg: "C'mon, Eileen, you're saying Daly looked like a basketball coach?"

Eileen: "Naw, he was one of the undertakers. (shrugs and fires up a joint while sipping a deeply chilled Chardonnay). Read what Meko said about this group when he covered their last debate. It just isn't like the 2000 group that spawned Chris. Lord, you had two brilliant trannies (one a Stanford professor), an ex-Board president, Marc Salomon, Hank Wilson, Joe Blue ... this group is nothing for Daly to debate."

Dawg: "That said, who'd you like best, other than Daly?"

Eileen: "Easy, dear. (cuts off KFOG and fires up Supertramp's, 'Breakfast in America') ... Matt Drake was pushing tidal power and looks for all the world like he could be John Dean's little brother. That'll get me to write him in number 2 in my ranked choice ballot."

Dawg: "Yeah, it is ranked choice. Somehow I'd forgotten that. OK, you got Daly and Drake, who's your third choice?"

Eileen: "George Diaz. He didn't know shit about local government, but he was so sincere with his ignorance."

Dawg: "You can't ask for much more than that. I mean, to be sincerely ignorant is something I've I've always dreamed of achieving."

Eileen: "It's outta your reach, Dawg."

Dawg: "OK, I watched the debate too and I'll bet I noticed something you didn't notice."

Eileen: (takes a long draw from the joint as she smiles and looks out the window over UN Plaza) "Please enlighten me."

Dawg: (takes the proffered joint and sips a bit of bourbon - stands behind her to look out over the 82 open windows of the Renoir Hotel across the way) "You forgot to mention that
I was one of those 18 people who ran against Daly in 2000. I made every debate. I met
lots of people who are still among my best friends. We debated on Treasure Island and
in the library where tonight's affair took place."

Eileen: "You're chasing rabbits, grandpa ... get to the point."

Dawg: (shrugs and nods) "He's still the youngest one on the stage and we're in a new friggin' century! I was just amazed at how much better he's turned out than I thought. Hell,
I was convinced he was a buffoon run by Bill Barnes and it turned out to be the other way around."

Eileen: (gazes at him in mild surprise and nods) "Uh huh, I do believe you've had a rare moment of insight there. He's not a plodder. Marrying Sarah was the smartest move of his life and young Jack proves that God loves him. This win will give him 4 years to consider his next move. What should that be?"

Dawg: (without a hesitation) "He has to run for mayor next year as part of a Progressive IRV slate. Four years from now when Keefer becomes the first female Vice President, he should run for her seat in Kongress as a Green."

Eileen: (literally slaps her thigh, hugs him and gives him a firm kiss on the forehead, she pours herself another glass of wine and, shaking her head, muses) "You really are a total slave to pussy. It's your best trait. What does Krissy say about her chances?"

Dawg: (rocks head to and fro as he speaks and sips and smokes and speaks) "She says that she could win if she had a hundred grand and 25 people for the last month. (scrunches face in consideration) She sees the whole thing as just another show, but on a much bigger stage. Here, the entire City is her stage and she's been decorating it and preparing it for the final show which will run for the last ... ten days or so of the campaign."

Eileen: (seriously) "She'd make a great campaign manager."

Dawg: (nods firmly) "You hit it right on the head. She's got the instincts. Carries no grudges. Or, she could replace Carrie Schulman."

Eileen: (turns to see if he's serious and exhales pot smoke) "Not in this lifetime, buster. The art world is locked down for the rich and they're not gonna go handing the keys to the vault to a barefoot dancer. You're gonna have to take it from them and that means Krissy as either a candidate or a campaign manager from here on out."

"All the slimeballs were there too."

(Nick Gravenitas describes Monterrey)

He might just as well have been talking about the League debate for D-6 supe. Their president (LWV) has worked for Pelosi for years as a PR front for the Presidio Trust and has continuously shielded Nancy from the unpleasantness of engaging in public debate with her opponents. It is a total degradation of the League twisting it into the puppet of the rich. Turned upon it's head like the A. Philip Randolph Institute which now terrorizes black voters instead of empowering them.

That would be Jody Sanford (head of league) and boy can she run. I desperately wanted a picture of her with me to run with this column. I scouted the area and found Marc Salomon (never one to shy away from controversy) doing shots for Chris Daly.

I told him my plan and he just grinned and nodded. I'd stroll over to where Sanford was standing and wave to him to fire away and, voila ... we'd have our shot.

I gotta see what this shot looks like if it indeed is actually there. I never saw anyone, man, woman or child ... dressed in a business suit, jump sideways faster than Jody Sanford jumped when she realized that she was framed in Marc Salomon's lens, standing next to h. brown. Now Marc and hubbie, George, are just back from an African safari where they filmed real wildlife not too wild about being in a SF album but none of them could have leaped out of frame faster than Jody did.

We'll see if the shot turned out. Just remember the point of the exercise. It is to give you a picture of the woman who says that she did not schedule a debate between candidates for the U.S. 8th California Congressional district because she felt the people of San Francisco wouldn't be interested in seeing Nacy Pelosi debate Republican, Mike DeNunzio, Green, Krissy Keefer and Libertarian, Phil Berg. In short, and I want to be as clear as possible about this. This woman has destroyed the credibility of the SF League of Women Voters by making it an adjunct to the likes of Nancy Pelosi who pays her friggin' salary. Would you believe it? She works for the Presidio Trust that Pelosi created to privatize the Presidio into an office park.

Am I repeating myself?

Over again?

And, yet again?

enuff for now.

####

Watching Krissy run for Kongress XX

(for mature audiences only)

September 29, 2006

"I got bottom!!"

(Ammiano responds to word of my column series)

Lots has happened since I spoke to you as a group. First, I keep writing and re-writing (very, very rare for me - I should never listen to friends) ... writing and re-writing the second installment of my election season scenario built around how Tom Ammiano and I save the City from Fisher and Shorenstein.

The opening quote from Tom came when I passed he and a couple of his staff on the sidewalk in front of City Hall last week. I called out that I was writing a 10 part series about he and I, and he called out the "bottom" line. The guy is really funny. Course, I changed his name in the series so's no one would know who he is. I call him Tom Ammianyo. (No one will ever guess who it is).

Let me get some things out of the way here cause I promised Luke a column by noon. I'm just gonna rattle things in the order I see them, vis-a-vis import.

Pelosi and the League of Women Voters

The SF League of Women Voters is a rubber stamp for Nancy Pelosi, has been for years. It is the only SF race the SFLWV refuse to schedule a debate for. This is because Nancy is completely unpredictable in front of a microphone and tends to fold in debates. This time around, with great speakers like Mike DeNunzio, Phil Berg and Krissy Keefer in the hunt, it makes sense they keep her in Washington, or protected in closed studios before a hand-picked audiences of transfixed supporters.

The usurption of the League by Pelosi's forces is particularly disturbing.

Pelosi lackey heads up SF League of Women Voters

The president of the SF League of Women Voters is a lady named Jody Sanford. For years she's also been the Public Affairs Officer for the Presidio Trust, founded by Pelosi for the benefit of the rich. Now, I don't know about you, but I find it outrageous that someone who effectively works for Pelosi, is refusing to schedule a public debate with Pelosi, under the auspices of the League. Not even having touched upon Pelosi's practice of passing prime closed military-base property all over the country to a company that made her nephew a Senior Vice President (now he works for an investment company that lends money to them).

Yeah, the League hasn't been the neutral body it claims to be for many years, but on the issue of inviting Pelosi to a debate, they've gone over the edge into a purely partisan stance.

The local League sponsors debates for every single City office,"that is of concern, or effects San Franciscans," but refuses to sponsor a debate for the 8th Congressional District of the United States Congress which is located wholly within the San Francisco City limits.

When I called and wrote to ask why they wouldn't hold a debate, their sole staffer (nice lady named Gandri) emailed me to say that they couldn't do "EVERYTHING" and that if I thought it was so important that Nancy debate, I should join the League and push the idea. She noted that they didn't feel the people of San Francisco were interested in a debate between congressional candidates. Also, she noted that League President, Sanford, was very busy and might look at our proposal (DeNunzio, Berg and Keefer have already debated on Access TV's on Steve Seltzer's, 'Labor Talk'). Ms. Gandri said Sanford might look at the proposal, "if she got around to it".

h brown challenges the League of Women Voters:

To prove me wrong, extend an invitation to all the candidates who wish to represent the City and County of San Francisco in United States Congress, and that includes Pelosi who has so far refused all candidate requests for debate. The argument that San Franciscans would NOT be interested in such a debate is the biggest pile of bullshit I have ever heard in my life. At 10 bucks a head, the debate would sell out PacBell Park! Could it be that Pelosi is vulnerable for her appropriations support of the Iraq war in a city that is largely anti-war?

Now, what would the PR chief in the Presidio be so busy with in the meantime? Maybe covering the tracks the Pelosi Cartel leaves all over the country as she uses her position in the House of Representatives to enrich her family and friends to the tune of billions and billions of dollars. This is not an exaggeration. Hey, you know me, I'm definitely susceptible to exaggeration but reality is beyond my meager imagination when it comes to Pelosi and the nepotistic way she uses her office. Let's start with her nephew, Laurence Pelosi...

Pelosi ties to mega-developer Lennar

... Laurence Pelosi resigned from Lennar to become Gavin Newsom's 2007 re-election Campaign Treasurer. The Mayor has pushed Lennar interests on Treasure Island, at Hunters Point, in the Presidio, and in the Trans Bay project, on and on and on - and that's just in the City!

Lennar also has control of Mare Island and a scad of other base projects around the country under Pelosi's thumb.

Laurence Pelosi may have left Lennar, but he's still on the same team.

BAWAHHHHHAAA!

Ability to be a bag man, maybe. But, don't get me wrong. I don't think Nancy Pelosi is in charge of anything, no mare than Gavin Newsom makes any important decisions in San Francisco, no more than Sophie Maxwell believes the Redevelopment Agency is good for African Americans.

These elected officials aren't their own people.

Jose Cisneros invests the City's money as Warren Hellman tells him to invest it. When Hellamn goes after check-cashing establishments, Jose doesn't understand that Hellman's Wells Fargo bank owns a ton of them and will profit mightily by tossing out the independents. He doesn't understand that Hellman wants to rule the entire financial world before he dies and that driving Lutheran Social Services out of handling the welfare checks of people like me is included on the chopping block.

... ... ... let me get out of this mode ... ... ... another topic ...

Dennis Herrera advised by brain-damaged chimps?

(Races to right in left wing town)

City Attorney Dennis Herrera has sparkling blue eyes. That's about it. Since he took the reins in that office from giant python, Louise Renne, he's managed, astoundingly enough, to lower the bar there. Few would have thought that possible, but let's look at a few of the things that Dennis 'the menace' has accomplished:

1. He's refused to enforce the Raker Act (to give San Franciscans Public Power). For some reason, Brugmann of the Bay Guardian has let him slide on this. Maybe it's Denny's blue eyes?

2. He's produced contracts extending the control (at the behest of the Mayor's office) of Comcast over local cable and now, Google on WiFi opertions.

3. He told 140,000 Bay View residents their petition to delay their eviction from their homes by the Redevelopment Authority was no good even after the Department of Elections certified the petition! Herrara killed the democratic opposition of the very community the Bayview Redevelopment Plan impacts.

4. He had a photo-op to brag about arresting some old Latino dude with a truck who was dumping carpet scraps in the Bay View. I mean, he spent God knows how many hours photographing this guy dumping carpet and investigating him before he jumped on this humble environmental disaster. I mean, the guy was wrong; give him a ticket and get on with life. He wasn't worth a CNN special.

5. He had a press conference to announce he'd caught a major graffiti artist. Let's not even get into asking what the hell Dennis is doing following taggers around in the middle of the night.

Connect the dots

Even given the idiocy of every single decision, there is clearly a pattern here and a conclusion to be drawn. Blue Eyes is positioning himself to run for another office. More likely, someone elses (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here that you aren't this dumb, Dennis)... more likely, Downtown interests are implementing some scheme to establish Dennis as a friend of the environment, against scofflaws ... but why now?

Feinstein to quit?

It's the only thing that makes sense and if it's not too late for her to withdraw, it's damned near. It would explain why the trio of Aaron Peskin, Kamala Harris and Dennis Herrera (Wednesday meetings, I'm told, have been going on with the three for some time to determine which one gets the Demo nod to run for mayor when Newsom leaves) ... hey, I know it's crazy but, like Colombo, I get these hunches.

It would explain why Peskin goes easy on cops and Home Depot and Comcast and Google and Downtown business on their taxes. And, why Harris won't prosecute drunks who throw their wives out the window to their deaths - cause it wouldn't be a slam-dunk. And why Herrera has been even worse than former City Attorney Renne.

Hey, unlike your cowardly ass, I get out there with opinions and positions. I want drinks all around - on you - if my hunch is right and Feinstein withdraws in favor of Newsom for U.S. Senator.

That's enuff. This column gets published on Luke's Fog City Journal first and migrates to the Bulldog archives next week. Luke has column nods from the likes of Matt Gonzalez, Sup. Sean Elsbernd, Sup. Jake McGoldrick, Sup. Fiona Ma, and even the Mayor is mulling over doing a piece.

Fog City is the best thing on the local political net, and getting better daily.

FREE JOSH!!

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Watching Krissy run for Kongress XVIII

(for mature audiences only)

September 24, 2006

By h. brown

Who's your momma?

(Installment 1 of fiction serial)

National Guard enters San Francisco

(Bush claims Green stole election from Pelozzi)

The devastation to the City had been mind numbing. Over 75,000 killed. More than a quarter million wounded. By the time San Franciscans went to the polls on November 7th, 2006, every building in town over 10 stories tall had been destroyed or abandoned. No motorized traffic moved. Snipers ruled every major hill and fired with deadly accuracy in arcs of up to a half mile. Beautiful young men and women sold sexual favors on street corners and in bars for a meal and some alcohol (at least some things hadn't changed).

"It was that god damned poll that started it all!"

(former Congresswoman Mandy Pelozzi)

She was right too. Speaking from her cave near a small town in Northern Sicily, Pelozzi recalled the outrage of her wealthy patrons when the results of the survey by the City's most respect pollsters (I. B. Lion) appeared in the Whorst chain's, 'Morning Dingleberry':

"If the election were held today, who would you vote for
in the 8th U.S. Congression District?"

Chrissy Reefer: 21%

Mike DeNounceYall: 19%

Ice Berg: 15%

Peace & Freedom: 11%

Mandy Pelozzi: 9%

Undecided: 15%

Leave me ta fuck alone: 10%

Pelozzi: Who would have thought that 'I. B. Lion' would tell the truth?

Josh Fox: Is that when the Flasher family ordered the assassinations of 'the three'?

Pelozzi: (shakes head and takes another shot of straight vodka) - Yeah, and that wasn't my idea.

Fox: Let me read to you the way it was written up in the amazing, best-selling novel 'Brown Knows' and you tell me what's right and wrong with the description...

People who were there said that Donald Flasher
wanted Reefer and Brown and Dis Daly dead.

He contracted out to different terrorists groups
to do the job. Any truth to that?

Pelozzi: (nods and starts chugging directly from bottle - wipes mouth) - Look, we had historical precedent on all of this stuff. It worked for the Whorsts when they blew up the battleship 'Mange' in Cuba. Christ, we're still in Cuba. It worked for Hitler when he blew up his own parliament (sniffles and opens drawer to dressing table from which she withdraws a small mirror covered with rows of a white powder and small sections of hollow glass tubes - starts snorting the powder - gives sigh of relief and continues)

Pardon me. (shakes head again)

This is about all that gives me any relief these days. Where were we? Oh yeah, well,
everyone knows that disaster unifies your base and there's no disaster like the ole 'suprise attack upon our noble Christian nation by third world barabarians'."

Fox: (nods & tries to get back on point) - Let me just read a few paragraphs from this amazingly wonderful work by Noname Brown.

The minute the poll hit the internet we started getting calls with offers of money and, more importantly, volunteer workers. I passed out that night with a smile on my face. I knew, along with a small cadre of advisers, that we were going to win. Pelozzi was hated here and this was the proof. The only thing that could stop us was killing us and they weren't going to do that. Then, I was awakened by the sound of a menacing drone.

I am awakened by the sound of a menacing drone ...

Did I mention that I was awakened by the sound of a menacing drone that was drawing closer and closer? It drowned out the crashing symphony of the Mafiosi trash trucks that always picked up garbage at every building in town between 3am and 5am every night. It was different but sounded somehow familiar. My muddled brain flashed back over 40 years to my time in the Mediteranian with the 6th Fleet. Panicked, I looked out the window but things appeared the same. There were two cops assaulting a prone homeless guy while a small group of crackhead whores and burglars sold their wares in UN Plaza below me. The roar got louder and louder and we all looked up in time to see the contrails of a missile fired from a drone aircraft clearly outlined in the full moon over City Hall ... I knew right away that it was a Hellfire rocket and it was aimed at my asshole!

I ducked down under my window ledge as a twin to the wingless rocket that hit the Pentagon on 9-11 crashed 3 floors above me and destroyed the top 2 stories of my old folks home. I recall congratulating myself for putting all the 'Dis Daly for Supervisor' and 'Free Fox' and 'Reefer for Kongress' signs in the window of a vacant unit instead of my own. The missile had entered the window of that very unit dead center. Debris crashed to the streets between my building and the Renoir hotel across the way. Nude Japanese tourists leaned out the hotel's windows and took shots of the opening salvo of the ... 'Battle of San Francisco'.

I knew from my years in emergency rescue that everyone up there was dead and that there was nothing I could do to help them. I knew that all of the electricity in the building was out and that I couldn't get any news on my radio, tube, or computer. If I reached a phone, they'd only know I'd survived. My mind raced through my meager range of options.

I knew they would probably send a hit squad to dig through the rubble and confirm I'd been killed but that this wouldn't happen til after daylight. What could I do with the 3 remaining hours until daybreak? I decided to eat the ice cream in my fridge before it spoiled, jack off, and go back to bed til the Morning Dingleberry hit the news stands. It made sense."

So, they were going to play hardball.

I was awakened by the sound of cackling radios and the whine of rotating FD aerial ladder trucks who were still pouring water on the building. With no water available, I wiped KY jelly across my face and legs, shaved and put on a little kind of paisley print thing summer dress, sunglasses and a bonnet. Snatching a simple black parasol, a flask of bourbon and some 'Chrissy for Kongress' buttons, I headed downstairs flirting with firemen and steroid-pumped Swat teamers who all avoided looking at me. The plan was working perfectly. I thanked my stars for the breadth of my simple, yet elegant wardrobe and headed for my safe room deep beneath Tommy Ammianyo's house. Tom would either know what to do or have something strong to drink. He's such a doll. I twirled my umbrella as I inserted 2 coins and drew a Morning Dingleberry from the news rack. The headline screamed at me:

'Green Party terrorists suspect in hotel attack!!'

(Jim Dorencrap beaten senseless resisting arrest)

Well, at least some good had come from all the destruction. I thought back to the words of SF Board spiritual adviser, Sylvia Johnson when pressed by Daly to come to the point in addressing his committee during public comment:

"Well, I'm sorry that all these people died,
and I'm doing all that I can about it
but it's a wild goose chase."

(next installment: sniper targets bicyclists)

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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