With h brown
Court Jester apologizes
December 5, 2006
Progressive mayoral stew includes human remains
Serious politics has always involved cannibalism. So, keep your
kids and elderly inside from now until next Fall's filing deadline,
lest they end up in the kettle. I myself, tossed in a couple of
victims last week in the heat of a 'Hunter-Gatherer' expedition.
Apologies to Nicole Derse and Cat Rauschuber. I'm sorry. Shake
it off. Go get fitted for prosthetics. Most of all, don't play
around the crocodile pit or stand in front of the bull elephant
when he's being hunted.
Don't dilly-dally, Sally
Hey, when it comes to building a viable mayoral candidate, it's
simply a lot closer to Dr. Frankenstein's lab than it is to rocket
science. And, it's the same on the other side of the San Francisco
spectrum. Uh huh. The Mods and the Progs are always looking at
one another's candidates and campaigns and copying what they consider
to be the other side's best vote-getting features.
Thus, you ended up with Gavin Newsom being portrayed as a kind
of Columbia/Stanford Law Review scholar in the last race, and
his opponent Matt Gonzalez - who actually was a Columbia/Stanford
Law Review scholar - had Gonzalez wearing re-fitted hand-me-down
suits from former Mayor Art Agnos. While assuring us that Gavin's
dyslexia rendered reading a real problem for him, Eric Jaye had
his candidate photographed wearing horn-rimmed glasses and studying
"The last thing a mayor should do is to walk away from
someone in mid-sentence."
I've been conversing with lots of people lately who'd rather
you not know that they're conversing with me. You get lots of
that kind of thing when you're a large caliber loose cannon. The
Gonzo trait of simply walking away like that has pissed off more
people than I can count, and it's definitely an item of debate
in the 'stew' of things currently being brought to the front burner.
Why does he do it and what can we do to cover it if he's a candidate
in the next race?
"He should cop to a disability, like Gavin did."
Hmmmm... Tourette's? That would allow Gonzo to occasionally
scream streams of loud obscenities at anyone, at anytim, and pretend
it didn't happen. Augsburg's? I haven't researched that one, but
someone said that people so afflicted do exhibit the loss of concentration
'feature'. Hell, we can use this with all of our candidates (thanks
for the idea, Gavin). Imagine scenes like this:
"The Mayor recognizes the "mother-fucker"
from the Golden Gate Restaurant Association."
"The Mayor denies the existence of Nathan Nayman."
OK, OK, this is all fun but, I swear to God, these actual conversations
are taking place in back rooms all over town. The Progs really
don't have candidate one and there's even a serious discussion
as to whether Progs should abandon IRV and concentrate on fielding
one strong candidate against Newsom.
The Mods are trying to figure out how to get Newsom to eat raw
meat and like it. And, remember who holds the mortgage on his
home and businesses. Progs are totally stoked about the organization
Chris Daly put together to beat Newsom's shill in the D-6 race
but wondering if many of them would desert a Daly bid, to join
a late-arriving 'Matt Express'.
As Lincoln said, "It is altogether fitting and proper that
we should do this." Butt, that's enough for now. I promised
this column by 9am and that's in 3 minutes. I just wanted to reassure
my readers that the process of the selection of the Prog opposition
candidates for next Fall is moving about as you'd expect. And,
to ask them to pray. Or, offer sacrifices.
Anything left over? Throw it into the stew.
Do you know why they call it 'Muzzgo stew'? Cause you look in
the fridge and you say: "This muzzgo and that muzzgo."
Oh my, oh my.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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