With h brown
Court Jester bestows 6th Annual Bulldog Awards
January 25, 2007
Wanna hear mixed emotions? Yesterday, I heard a
rooster crow to greet the morning from U.N. Plaza. God, there's
something so grounding about hearing a rooster in the morning.
But here, obviously, this particular rooster was not in the right
place to joyfully announce the morn. I instantly named him, 'Saddam'.
So, my number one award for bravery, art and chutzpah in the
face of certain death goes to the rooster in the back of the truck
in U.N. Plaza who called to wake me up and tell me that as of
now, the ball is in my court.
Most politically influential publications
1. San Francisco Bay Guardian
If there was ever a publication begging to be supplanted, it
is the San Francisco Bay Guardian.
Unfortunately for us, they are still number one of Bay Area progressive
publications. More balding hippies carry their Election Day crib
sheet into polls than any other rag. Plus, a couple of weeks ago,
Tim Redmond called POTUS a "prick". That's progress
of sorts, I guess.
2. Fog City Journal
Luke's a prude, but that's just my opinion. I'd use that great
ability with a camera to shoot a publication that was at least
half porn. But, then again, that's just me. Luke
has the Bulldog's key attributes for a successful publication.
Access, interest, knowledge and insight. Daniela
Kirshenbaum wrote the best two local political columns in
town and Angela Alioto opened the new year with a
piece questioning the independence of the mainstream press.
Always the best pictures in town but, lighten up, Luke
coming up on your one year anniversary and you've only published
one delectable nipple?
Funny, charming, devotedly indifferent. They remind me of Charles
Kalish's cat, Cool Guy. When I get a break in my busy day (read:
when I wake up in a stupor and need to get my bearings)
I flash over to SFist which
updates posts 24/7. I thought they'd be a Newsom cover but it
ain't so. All they need is a geezer dating service to be perfect.
Best political writers
1. Eileen Left
Every town needs at least a few sexy amalgams. Eileen is everywhere.
She's blunt, promiscuous and fearless. She has worked for every
mayor since Moscone and still is barely 40. Or, is it barely 50?
Sexy amalgam Eileen Left
2. Randy Shaw
The guy was a personal friend of Adam and Eve, for God's sake!
While his content is forever weighed by his own economic agenda,
he's otherwise fair and compassionate and the breadth of his knowledge
is unmatched in the area press. We are fortunate that he writes
a 5 times weekly column. (beyondchron.com)
3. Matt Smith
He's lost a step. Seems nuts at times. Hasn't got a clue about
the nature of the Board of Supervisors which he marginalizes to
a frightening level. But, this guy is brilliant. He can see yesterday,
today and tomorrow as one multi-valved heart fed by money, greed
and bigotry. Or, whatever else is there. When he's right, no one
else comes close. (Matt.firstname.lastname@example.org) OK, that's not his email
but he's bounced my mail to him for years, so I took a shot. He's
SFWeekly's ace in the hole.
Best local political minds
1. Marc Salomon
Sometimes toys with his kill (and, it can be you) but you always
learn when you ask him something. He does not suffer fools kindly.
I know, I know, that's redundant. But, if you go talk to him and
get cored, don't say you weren't warned. Twice.
Marc Salomon, aka Chicken McGreen
2. Mike Farrah
The insider's insider. He not only knows everyone. He also knows
what everyone thinks. And, what they'll think about anything you
might ask. And, how they'll react to what you say about something
they think about how you might wonder about what they might say
or do or pretend. Those are marketable skills.
Mike "Whiskers" Farrah and son, Finnegan.
3. Sylvia Johnson
Is definitely a secret government project. I suspect that she
is related to Jake McGoldrick in some way. Cryptic. Mysterious.
Languidly indecipherable. How can this woman not be a department
head in the Newsom administration?
Hottest political couple
1. Sarah Low Daly and her husband
They're both still washing the blood out of their clothes from
the battle of Mount BOMA in which they slaughtered many. They're
hot. They're good looking. They're young. They're fertile. They
are the new San Francisco.
Sarah and Chris Daly
2. Evelyn Nieves and Biff Mirkarimi
Evelyn's gotta be paying off some serious gambling debt by living
with Ross for a decade. No doubt her family is being held hostage
somewhere in a cave. Let's throw a fundraiser for the girl!
3. Rich Hillis and Michelle Ruggles
"Be fruitful and multiply." Thus, sayeth the Lord (Bevan
Dufty misunderstood). Anyway
I can't say anything bad about
these guys. They're my good friends and they extended our City
family with their twins, Maggie and Liam. Farrah added his first
young un' to the Hall and Luke Thomas added twins Rachael and
Elsa. Adriel Hampton's newest, Hero, is doing well after a tough
start. My first grandson, Wesley was a year old New Year's day.
"Daddy, that flash strobe thingy is so cool!"
The adorable Rachael and Elsa Thomas-McAllister.
Hey, we had a good year in the City. The boss was always drunk
or out of town or we were. As far as I know, no one shot at me.
All my tests came back negative including the one for my birth
certificate. It could have been a lot worse. I could be the poor
little kid downstairs from Rob Anderson who got a bike for Christmas.
I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride
Go for a piece.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at email@example.com.
Editor's Note: Views expressed by columnists
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Fog City Journal. Fog City Journal supports free speech in all its varied forms
and provides a forum for a complete spectrum of viewpoints.