With h brown
Progressive champion Supervisor Chris Daly, son Jack, and wife
Sarah Low Daly,
make a grand entrance to the 2007 San Francisco Progressive Convention,
held Saturday at the Tenderloin Community School, with Fog City
impresarios h. Brown
and Elaine Santore in tow.
Court Jester reviews
2007 San Francisco Progressive Convention
June 3, 2007
"Can we agree to go get drunk?"
(and we did, too)
Who says SF Progressives can't agree on anything? While it's
true that we had trouble finding a bar (Temple being closed),
once we did locate an open watering hole, we instinctively did
the right thing. We were coming from the 2007 San Francisco Progressive
Convention and we had more things to forget than celebrate. But,
if anyone can turn a wake into a party it is this gang.
"We only have 3 beer pitchers."
Harrington's bar at Larkin and Turk. And, I'm not saying they
had 3 kinds of beer. I'm saying that they only had three pitcher
containers in the entire bar. And, they didn't match. By the time
the hardcore had finished straggling in from Chris Daly's convention,
there were at least 30 of us and people had to take turns getting
full pitchers, pouring them into glasses as fast as possible and
running back to the bar for refills.
A grand scene of progressive harmony at Harrington's bar.
The three guys running the pitchers looked like a Keystone fire
brigade tossing liquid hopelessly into the raging inferno that
was the lefty thirst after the big letdown. The bartender just
kind of estimated prices depending upon how big each pitcher was
and asked the customer's advice on how to make the individual
drinks they ordered.
With that kind of disorganization and uncertainty, I'd say this
place could easily become Progressive headquarters, coz when push
comes to shove, they are a real Irish bar and they pour a generous
as they say.
Harrington's is a great bar
With one hell of a stock of hard liquor. I saw right away that
was their long suit and ordered a double bourbon out of the well
with a small beer back (serious drinkers interpret for Gen X'ers).
Then, seeing the line growing behind me, I changed the order to
a triple, and then the inevitable quadruple.
The saloon has been there for pushing a hundred years and though
it's always rumored to be closing, like Tom Ammiano, it just keeps
opening for business every day.
"I'm a Jew, so I can say that."
(Larry 'the fairy' analyzes Zionism)
We were all in Boyd Alley behind the bar smoking reefer laced
with hash, trying to find a better place to be between our ears.
It was great hash and it worked real good. Me and Terrie Fry and
Charles Kalish and Larry and several others and everyone else
said don't used their names if I write about it, so I'm not.
Charles Kalish sucking up the helium.
Inside, a tag-team of boot-lickers tried to talk Ross Mirkarimi
into changing his mind and jumping into the battle against Gavin
Newsom. According to the latest David Binder poll, Ross is the
most popular Progressive politician with an approval rating in
the high teens. Naturally, everyone wants him to run for mayor.
Supervisor Ross "run-on sentence" Mirkarimi
We have some real doozie politicians in our army. Carole Migden
showed up and began her talk by telling us that we didn't clap
long enough for her as she approached the stage. Then, she said
that what we needed to do was to found a "Fourth Reich".
I became frightened like a child and went to cling to Phil
Matier who was the only real man in the room.
Senator Carole Migden
h Brown with Phil "Mathilda" Matier
The rally was in a grade school and the decorations were a mixture
of stuff that the kids had put up and stuff the Progs had hung.
It was hard to tell which was which.
"Platform Proposal: Deport Rebublicans, they are all aliens.
Quarantine Democrats, most appear infected."
There was a sign in front of a packed classroom being taught
'Nuts and bolts of campaigns' by campaign vet, Bruce Wolfe
it said stuff like: 'Play nice with others' and 'share' and 'visualize
your story'. It took awhile for me to realize that the sign was
for the 3rd graders who normally occupied the room.
Bruce "nuts and bolts" Wolfe
Another sign gave everyone their assignments. Sebastian was
in charge of attendance. Sarah had chalkboard duty. Yeah, another
one made up for the kids. Again, we aren't that organized.
Our theme sign, in fact, was a rip-off from the Warriors' playoff
T shirts. We all cheered loudly when Daly held it up. It said:
'We Believe!'. I yelled louder than anyone, then leaned to Andy
Ross who was sitting next to me looking like a teenager with
his baseball hat turned around backwards
don't believe." I told Andy. Turns out he doesn't either.
Supervisor Chris "We Believe" Daly
"This was H. L. Mencken's drink."
It looked and tasted like varnish remover which it may have
well been. The 'other Marc' ordered it to impress the hulking
Irish bartender who was game enough, and curious enough, to pour
himself a sip of the stuff left in the mixer.
Randy Knox and I were at the bar with Luke Thomas watching all
this stuff while a growing crowd pushed every table in the place
together until it was one huge Arthurian beer hall table, with
Ross Mirkarimi as the King.
I went over and apologized to the D-5 rookie supe for screaming
"DALY! DALY! DALY!" while his folks were screaming "Run
Ross, Run!" but that I didn't know that Daly wouldn't announce
his own candidacy... and that I felt just terrible and that I
thought that they should both run... and I heard he was going
to cancel his art parties cause the sheriff's deputies are still
hassling all the pot patients who come to see him (now, the deputies
are turning people away for having the pipes in which you smoke
your pot - they are splitting hairs and requiring you to have
joints rolled in paper - this can't be Hennessey's idea).
Where was I? Yeah, we all got big drinks so we wouldn't have
to go back often cause the bartender was snowed.
Matt Smith was the star of the whole day
The City's best investigative reporter showed up with a film
crew and spent the day doing lengthy interviews with pretty much
everyone of note. He caught Josh Wolf and Mirk and Daly and Migden
and a few bloggers amongst others. A lot of bloggers actually.
Smith doesn't get out to our events much and he's very famous
cause we appreciate talent and don't care if you say bad things
about us as long as you write them well.
Chris Daly and Josh Wolf
Hennessey takes some time out
From the way the Sheriff was dressed, I'd say he was either
working on his car or digging a hole in his back yard when he
decided on impulse to come on over and address the crowd. Mike
was my first choice for Mayor and I stand by that. The guy's an
Sheriff Michael "he's got the whole wide world in his hands"
Raucus caucus focused on hokus pokus
You cudda made a bundle if you'd brought baskets of rotten fruit.
Eventually, the audience pretty much stopped listening to the
speakers as the din of private conversations soon overwhelmed
the PA system.
A little pocket of Gonzalez worshippers sat in a circle near
the stage and showed each other wallet-sized shots of their hero.
Negotiations for an appearance by Matt broke down when he said
that there was no way he was going to attend any convention that
wasn't named after him.
I swear there was a huge clown with a heavily armed bodyguard
wandering through the crowd. It was like an evening with Mad Max
at the Thunderdome. I kept looking for Tina Turner to show up
and Sophie Maxwell was looking good enough to play the part.
Kenny the Clown
The media was the real show
I tried to get around to insulting each and everyone of them,
but there were just too many. I patted Tim Redmond on the back
and asked him what it was like to be Robert Haaland's assistant.
Someone tried to take my picture with Cecilia Vega but she ran
screaming down the hall. Wyatt Buchanan refused to be photographed,
claiming diplomatic immunity. All the while, the SF Weekly's enigmatic,
Matt Smith drew Escher-like crowds of reporters watching a reporter
interview other reporters.
Steven Jones blasted in and out and I was able to compare his
beloved 'Burning Man' to Jonestown in passing. The Guardian editor's
main squeeze, Alix Rosenthal made a head-turning entry with Clint
Reilly spouse, Janet. Lord, Lord, Lord, the only thing better
than watching a beautiful blonde enter the room is watching 2
beautiful blondes enter the room.
Janet Reilly and Jim Rivaldo
Jackson West was his snarky self. Fog City's Luke Thomas brought
'Plus One' hottie, Elaine
Santore, who writes for him and SFist.
Elaine and new pal, Hope Johnson, were even prettier than the
if that's possible.
Hope Johnson and Elaine Santore
I introduced them (Elaine and Hope) to Frontlines editor, Chris
Finn, whom I introduced as: "San Francisco's last communist".
He's real tall and good looking and stuff and I thought the ladies
would enjoy him. They did and he told them all about dialectical
materialism, then went away to drive a BART train.
Care not Cash got you down?
The Board of supes' rockingest members were all there. I sternly
asked Gerardo Sandoval if his mother knew he was on the Board
of Supervisors. I hate lots of Sophie Maxwell's votes, but god
that woman is an African Queen. She and Ahimsa Sumchai are polar
opposites politically but who listens when beauty like that graces
Supervisor Gerardo Sandoval
Ammiano was funny as hell as always. He has no competition for
Assembly as yet and probably won't. Mark Sanchez announced for
Tom's seat on the Board a bit back as did Eric Quesada and David
Campos (see the picture of me kissing him - had to do it 3 times
to get it right and almost came out of the closet right there).
Supervisor Tom "kiss my gay ass" Ammiano
Police Commissioner David Campos gets a smoocher from h Brown.
I like Krissy Keefer there as I do for just about everything
else. Like her for D-9 supe, I mean. Hang onto your hats if I
can get her to declare for Mayor next week. Step up ladies, the
men are yellow.
I introduced Jake McGoldrick to Jerry Jarvis with the line of:
"Hey Jerry, do you recall Jake McGoldrick?". I think
it was Jerry. Jake has a helluva sense of humor and is only offended
when he understands what you're saying, and then only for a short
Supervisor Jake "go ahead, make my day" McGoldrick
Ahhh, this is a fun column and I have some nice sativa to start
the day with and a glass of champagne. Whatever, I was noticing
how good-looking most of the candidates are. Oh, there are some
ugly ones and they know who they are and so do you, so I won't
mention them as being ugly. But, generally speaking, the uglier
a candidate is the smarter they are.
Nobody mentioned Ed Jew. Not even once.
My buddy Abdullah, the homeless advocate told me to tell you
that he was thrown out of the 'Next Door' shelter on May 31st
and 150 Otis on the evening of June 1st for advocating for the
homeless. This is very important because Abdullah is not insane,
and he is not a drunk, and he does not do drugs. He merely advocates
for the homeless in the shelter (where they often refuse to provide
even toilet paper).
Abdullah (center) holds up a sign that read: "Ross, do you
want to be our next mayor?"
Abdullah is being persecuted for his work in the shelter and
the crews of those 2 shelters on those 2 nights should be investigated.
The shelters and their operations are criminal. They even try
to keep the Shelter Monitoring Committee out of the places and
that ain't right. Do something, Angela...
... Other than stand me up
I lobbied the Sicilian queen bee all week to attend the event
with me. Like all good fag hags, I enjoy being controversial.
Hey, I go to a Bob Pritikin party with you and you go to a Matt
Gonzalez art opening with me. She bailed at the last minute. It
would have been great to walk her to the stage and have her announce
for Mayor of San Francisco after the guys waved white flags.
I hammered Paul Hogarth of Beyond Chron mercilessly for selling
out to the mayor. Randy Shaw smartly kept the length of the room
between he and myself.
Eric Mar announced his candidacy for District 1 and Jake McGoldrick
promptly endorsed him. Jeff Adachi gave a spirited speech that
meant little because he could have announced for mayor and the
place would have exploded.
Progressive college board trustees John Rizzo, Johnnie Carter,
Milton Marks, and Julio Ramos, were mercifully short in comments.
I chatted briefly with Howard Strassner who was the only one
who spoke up on behalf of the small sailboat owners being forced
from the Marina. I shook hands with Willie Ratcliff and told Theresa
Sparks that police violence will decrease by 50% once we get them
tested for steroids.
Joe Lynn cracked up at something I called to Rita
Hao of SFist as she swept
Barry Hermanson was there talking to Milton Marks (who also
was a featured speaker) about $4 canvas bags as campaign literature.
I mistook James Tracy for the guy who runs the Homeless Coalition
(Juan Prada - whom I didn't see) which is understandable cause
I wanted him to have the job.
I ran into Chance Martin's former honey, Elena, whom I know
from the Reagan years. Bobbie Coleman (he's a Matt person, so
there were several there - Cat too) was explaining how IRV could
not possibly work in our favor this election. Jerry Jarvis and
I hung out but I didn't see his camera. Michael Strickland showed
up with pal, Lou coming from Newsom Headquarters.
Bob Coleman, Cat
Rauschuber and Randall
Bob Coleman loses a stare down with Chris Daly
Diamond Dave Whittaker danced to the rap music and spoken word
poetry that captured the stage for intermission. Featured was
an amazing lady named 'Tiny' from Poor Magazine. Read her last
few years and always thought she was a he.
David Owen spoke with Ted Gullickson about God knows what. Medea
Benjamin did just that. Donna Linden and Andy Blue guided all
300 plus people from their table at the convention entry.
Medea Benjamin looks up to Ross Mirkarimi
Sue Vaughan gave me her house keys and best wishes for a restful
week as she hits the road on a cross-country drive to visit family.
Savannah Blackwell arrived without a bunch of pounds she had last
time I saw her, looking luscious and in at least 'crush' stage
with a new beau I won't name.
James Keyes oversaw much of the nuts and bolts of the assembly
and we're all grateful. The menu was fab tacos with rice and beans
and healthy salad and good juices and breads. Coffee, tea and
I blasted Kim Knox for publishing a piece criticizing Daly on
Pat Murphy's Sentinel, then having the nerve to crash the event.
Rick Knee talked to Michael Goldstein.
it or what, green is to Daly as brown is to Murphy.
I talked to John Dunbar about Eileen Left while Susan King listened
and laughed. Ray Tobin's genitals were boldly evident in his painted-on
Julian Davis dropped a bunch of weight cause he's unemployed
and we discussed his running for Mayor (Barack Obama style?)
as an alternative employment option. John Avalos listened and
practiced his speech declaring his candidacy for the Board of
Supervisors for the City and County of San Francisco from the
Julian Davis (Center)
Supervisoral aide John Avalos filed papers Friday with the Department
of Elections declaring
his candidacy for the 2008 race for District 11 Supervisor.
Vicky Leidner buzzed the room doing things that needed to be
done. Her love interest, John Ragdono taught a break-out session
upstairs where Michael Nulty drank in details and Bruce Livingston
of Senior Action Network prepared to speak. Rick Hauptman stood
near Jim Rivaldo who can't decide whether I'm dangerous crazy
or just crazy.
Terrance Allen came over to deny he's the richest pornographer
in town and Mark O'Hera denied having threatened to kill past
political opponents. Raphael Mandelson puppy-dogged Migden while
Frank Chu stood by their side with his '12 Galaxies' sign.
I told Richard Marquez lies while former Guardian writer (now,
Cal Phd in Geography candidate) Rachel Brahinsky listened in dismay.
I talked to Doug Comstock and Pat Monk about Laguna Honda and
to Bob Bingham about Leno's campaign.
It was a great day
Perhaps if the Lord had meant for us to have a male candidate
for mayor, they'd have been born with balls. Unfortunately, while
there was lots of smoke all over that place all day, there was
no one with the balls to challenge Gavin Newsom for Mayor. That's
The 'after' party was wonderful. I bullshit a lot but I truly
love these people. If ever there was a non-profit, unselfish and
hard-working bunch of quality losers, it is the San Francisco
You gotta love 'em.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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