With h brown
San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Court Jester's receives offer
from Newsom campaign manager
June 10, 2007
"Gavin controls nothing! Blaming Gavin
for what happens at City Hall
is like blaming your dog cause it starts raining."
(Eileen Left writing notes for me)
"What the hell did you expect? Gavin is
in Paris Hilton's address book!"
(Eileen continues roll)
"Java the Hud could get elected in D-4
if he wore a red vest and preached racism."
I swear, that girl will get me in trouble yet. She had some
great ideas, though. She says I should say that if I'm elected,
I'll fire Charlotte Maillard-Schultz, the Republican head of Protocol
(meets queens) who performs this function for both the Newsom
administration (supposedly Democrats), and the governor (most
decidedly, Republican), and that I should replace Schultz with
Sister Bernie Galvin.
'Sister Bernie welcomes Pope!'
'Sister Bernie welcomes Hugo Chavez!'
'Sister Bernie welcomes the Dali Lama!'
'Sister Bernie welcomes Chevron C.E.O.!'
"Diamond Dave welcomes Bob Dylan!"
"Diamond Dave welcomes Michael Moore!"
"Diamond Dave welcomes Vladimir Putin!"
OK, that last one would never happen. But, you get the idea.
War mongering Republicans should not be representing the City
of St. Francis anywhere.
She says I should double the police detail that guards the Mayor
too. Make 'em all report for work in their regular uniforms. Then,
drop them off to walk 8-hour, one officer foot patrols and pick
them up later when you drop off the next shift.
Shit, I can drive my own car. Give me a gun permit and I'll pack.
Think I can't drive and shoot straight? What am I, Carole Migden?
Champagne and an offer to take a dive
Jens and I had an intriguing guest last evening at the 'World's
Smallest Night Club' at O'Farrell and Larkin. Nice young guy named
Brigham. Brought bottle of Barefoot Brute champagne and a
6 pack of Red Stripe beer. We liked him right away.
Came from someplace called 'Bullrite' or something, Montana.
Jens, not surprisingly, had been there. "There was just the
train station and a house," said the Jenster. "Yeah,
that was our house," replied the youngster.
for Mark Leno, I believe. I gave him the usual ration of shit
and he told me some stuff - off the record - that I'd tell you
but I forget what it was. Joe Veronese pushed me all morning about
it, but I couldn't remember. Something to do with a political
What I do remember is that he said that Eric Jaye read my piece
about spending my Social Security nest egg to enter the race for
Mayor because all of the Progressive candidates have proven to
be chickenshit (you're dead mom, stop censoring me)
said that he'd agree to get dunked in a pool for the highest bidder
in an effort to recover my initial SS lump sum payment.
I choked up. It was an Armando Benitez moment. I mean, have
you seen Jaye? He's as small and fat and ugly as me, and he's
going to go nude into the pool at the Phoenix Hotel on my behalf?
Naw, but maybe dressed (FCJ's Luke Thomas confirmed with Jaye
who said that he indeed agreed to sacrifice his charity plunge
cherry for the Jaye-insulting Bulldog publisher)
works for Leno. Hmmm, I got on the phone to my evil, unpaid spokesperson,
Marc Salomon. Wadda we do?
I talk to another couple of people. The Phoenix is a Chip Conley
thing and he's a friend of Gavin's and Gavin and Jaye are now
on the outs, but you didn't hear it from me, and you do know that
Whitehurst is handling Leno's campaign? Huh?
I've never been able to get a straight answer out of anyone.
Even myself. I ask Eileen and she says to email Daly to see if
he'll take part, and to ask Neska to be the music if we get the
place and to see if Peskin will do it in his Speedos (Eileen loves
to see guys in Speedos).
Frankly, it's a little complicated for me right now. I'm gonna
take it slow. Light a joint. Have a drink. Get enough signatures
for the nominating petition. Keep ragging Daly to enter. Have
another joint. Pay my money and get broke and legally into the
race. Then, see if Eric still wants to party. Frankly, I think
it would be fun.
I should add a parting thought
Five years ago when I ran against Newsom for the D-2 supe job,
I had a party at a non-profit music conservatory down on Shotwell.
Neska played and Tony Hall sang and I billed it as 'the calm before
the storm', or something like that.
Newsom not only didn't show up, but his people called candidates
all over town telling them not to show up. After that, when I
called the center 2 years later to book another party, they said
they wouldn't rent to me"for political reasons."
That was Eric Jaye then (there is no 'Newsom') and here is Eric
same guy trying to get Dan Noyes and other friends
of mine in the media fired for simply being even-handed in their
here's this guy wanting to help me out?
Yeah, sure, sounds like fun, we'll do it.
I will too. I'm sure my buddy Matt Gonzalez will get baptized
And, Pat Murphy.
No doubt, Eric Steinberg.
I'm losing you.
Diamond Dave is opening the Haight Street Faire tomorrow.
Diamond Dave for Mayor!
Me for Mayor!
Daly for Mayor!
You for Mayor!
Arm Candy needed
Mayoral candidate with a serious drinking problem (not the present
Mayor) needs pretty ladies to attend public events and feign interest
in and affection for, candidate. English not necessary. Gold card
gives you a leg up, so to speak.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at email@example.com.
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