With h. brown
San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Court Jester reviews fourth 2007 mayoral
Hoogasian, Holmes, Mecke, Sumchai and Wolf lead pack
Mayoral candidates (from left to right) h. brown, George Davis,
Harold Hoogasian, Ahimsa Porter-Sumchai, Quintin Mecke, Wilma
Pang and Josh Wolf attended the fourth 2007 mayoral debate.
Absent: Mayor Gavin Newsom, Billy Bob Whitmer, Michael Powers
and Chicken John Rinaldi.
September 6, 2007
"I'm starving and homeless and being assaulted!"
(Grasshopper's moment in the sun)
"The roaches ate all the bedbugs!"
"You're a lying asshole!"
(Julian Davis evaluates my persona)
"Nathan Ballard pulled the fire alarm!"
(He was driving away)
"Billy Bob Whitmer is off the ballot."
(info from another candidate)
The debates are getting more interesting. The one today was
hosted by an umbrella organization of tenants called the Tenant
Associations Coalition (TAC) and was watched by around a hundred
people and a half dozen or so cops. The location was 201 Turk
Street which is one hell of a nice brand new low-income building
in the worst part of the Tenderloin.
Things got going one minute into the debate with someone pulling
the fire alarm and all of us being escorted out of the building
by the cops. Acts II and III in the area of the absurd were solo
performances by Grasshopper Kaplan who promises to cause shit
again for this Friday's gathering (read further, these were actually
Kaplan's third and fourth transgressions).
Attendees alight outside TAC headquarters following a false alarm.
Mayoral candidate Grasshopper Kaplan flips out for lack of vegan
Entering last, the moderator (radio journalist named Conley)
re-arranged everything to add an extra table (no one expected
Mecke to show up I guess) for Kaplan. He comes in and starts screaming
at the top of his lungs that he has to eat because he's starving
to death right in front of us and is homeless and he can't eat
the pizza they offered him (nor the apple or watermelon they later
brought). Hey, he could have eaten before the debate as we all
did. There was plenty of food and the fruit would certainly be
acceptable to any other Vegan in the world.
So, the moderator goes down there (of course, he's sitting next
to me and sympathy for assholes has never been my long suit)
moderator comes to try and calm him down and pats him reassuringly
on the shoulder.
Which, of course is what the prick wanted and he starts screaming
this absurd "assaulted" bullshit. Finally, the two cops
covering the room became four and the Vegan was led outside.
Returns about an hour later carrying a 'Newsom for Mayor' sign
and announcing he's there to speak for the Mayor. Now, that I
can believe. This time the cops take him away and arrest him for
trespassing (out within the hour if ever in). He's yelling and
screaming for the crowd and candidates to come support him and
about how the moderator had assaulted him. He's a provocateur,
pure and simple.
You're out of here.
"I'm still hungry."
Arrested for "trespassing."
Crowd's not impressed. They're used to real crazy people. Several
of them follow him outside and by now the TL station's on-duty
lieutenant is there. I stay in my seat and start eyeing the apple
they brought for candidate Kaplan. The debate continues.
Tony DeRenzo filmed it all
Plus the actual exchanges and they were great. Conley brought
the whole thing to the finish line in just 5 minutes over the
planned time limit and considering Grasshopper's shenanigans,
that was quite a feat. Tony filmed it all as he did the previous
3 debates and I'll give you the link when they're posted. I'm
anxious to see the tape myself.
Harold Hoogasian is the most 'passionate' (as the Mayor likes
to say) candidate and doesn't hide his disdain for Rent Control
or the high level of salary and benefits enjoyed by City employees.
I love his idea of building a really serious subway system to
make Muni reliable but at the same time he thinks there should
be no limits on the construction of more parking garages.
Mayoral candidate Harold Hoogasian
Quintin Mecke was there and though I ragged on him for not showing
up for the previous two debates, he held his poise and acquitted
himself well. He's held positions in several agencies that were
undercut by first Willie, then Gavin. He was a judge in the original
Community Court System which was reduced to hearing just a couple
of cases a month after Kamala Harris was elected instead of arrested
and halted Hallinan's practice
Mayoral candidate Quintin Mecke
Ahimsa Sumchai concentrated more on her experiences as a physician
and shined when the questions were around health insurance and
health and housing for the poor and there are no more important
issues. No one mentioned the Guardian's back-handed article on
her in today's edition. A couple of savy readers immediately wrote
to say that the piece was a preparation for them to endorse Mecke
as the only 'sane' candidate. Well, I do declare.
Mayoral candidate Ahimsa Porter-Sumchai
Lonnie Holmes is a natural politician with a real future. With
Hall out of the race, he's my first choice to watch my back in
any real emergency. The man don't rattle if you'll pardon my colloquial
agreement errors. Still. Still, he wouldn't go for Lennar's carotid
and that bothers me. Also, he's the only City employee running
against his boss and doing it easily with no qualms. Is he the
next head of the Mayor's Office of Criminal Justice?
Mayoral candidate Lonnie Holmes
George Davis was positively demure and had little to say about
any of the issues. It wasn't his week to be the distraction and
he's been honest about being clueless and saying he'd hire Newsom
because Gavin knows what he's doing. That last part, though? I
disagree with that last part. Gavin's only a cardboard cutout.
Mayoral candidate George Davis
Josh Wolf is the leader of our Friday debates in front of City
Hall and he gets along with everyone. That could be enough to
make him a great mayor. He didn't say anything today that I disagreed
with and I'm a critical motherfucker (watch the film when I get
the link). Let's see how he handles the 'blossoming' of Grasshopper.
Mayoral candidate Josh Wolf
Billy Bob Whitmer was a no-show and someone said that the Department
of Elections took him off the ballot because of some monetary
problem and that he was going to challenge them in court. When
I phoned him for confirmation, he said that he was there but that
when the candidates were put into a holding room, Grasshopper
had broken that up twice by playing piano while they were trying
to meet and that Kaplan had to be taken out twice by building
security screaming: "Why can't I just play the piano".
Billy Bob also said that he'd not meant to actually complete
the filing process but to fill out all the paperwork, then quit
right there but that they'd taken his check and that he couldn't
cover it and that Kamala was going to prosecute him for his actions.
Well, that's a bunch of bullshit and I told Billy Bob that he
should come to our debate on Friday because last week we had the
other Kaplan, the clown from Oakland and that he works the wharf
in SF and was a great addition.
Is Eric Jaye dumber than a barnyard animal?
If I knew better, I wouldn't' say that Jaye expected to run
against an organized IRV slate of Matt Gonzalez, Chris Daly and
Ross Mirkarimi with Tony Hall draining at least 7% of the 'moderate'
voters who wouldn't list Newsom as a second or third pick because
of what he did to Tony. If I didn't know better, I'd think that
Eric was smart enough to bring in faux candidates and provocateurs
if such a phalanx of kings (Gonzo, Chris and Ross) appeared united
on the horizon.
I don't know better, so I'm going to think that it is possible
that the Downtown Machine through Jaye, entered a couple of provocateurs
(today was Grasshopper's turn) and a couple of ethnic candidates
who look favorably upon Gavin as a second choice.
And, in the wings you have Chicken John Rinaldi and Michael
Powers who really aren't needed to make the slate of candidates
look even worse. Is it possible that they were promised favors?
I mean, I'd hate to think that Rinaldi is going to end up with
ten million bucks in art grants to administer and that Jimmy Ginn
(Powers' landlord at the Power Exchange) is going to suddenly
have less problems with his building permits.
If I didn't know better, I'd say that when you build a dirty
tricks operation and employ scumbags, you don't remember Watergate
and you don't realize that these things always end up as public
Shit having hit the fan
Come to Friday's debate under the Mayor's balcony in Alioto
Plaza from 5-6:30pm. Kaplan (the provocateur, not the clown) has
promised to disrupt this one too by coming an hour early, setting
up his sound system while he plays guitar, then shutting it down
when the other candidates arrive. He'll be illegal, of course
and so will we since the first week when they put me on phone
tag for a permit and then hung up on me and the Mayor refuses
to provide the same sound system he provides regularly to Amos
Brown without a permit on the front stairs of City Hall to drown
out Ahimsa and the real voices of Hunters Point and the Bay View
We don't need the guy's sound system. One newspaper said that
we had 37 people in the audience last Friday. All of the candidates
are experienced public speakers. We can reach that many folks
without a microphone and guess what? All of the cameras have sound
systems and you can hear everything just fine in the recordings.
If you don't come, we could end up just talking to ourselves
and you know what? That's OK. The only sin to me is not being
there and not fighting the gentrification and privatization of
Anyone got an amplifier and a generator?
I got the apple.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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