With h. brown
San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Odds and ends in La Mancha
October 7, 2007
"When I have fears that I may cease to
"... a resident of San Francisco."
A common conversation amongst my friends is the one where we
talk about how expensive San Francisco is, and about friends and
family who have already left, and when we'll be forced out. We
sip our drinks and some of us puff our pot as we listen to great
rock n' roll to fight off the depressing thoughts. Then we hear
a noise and go to the window and we realize that what we are hearing
couldn't be heard anywhere in the world all at once.
Dianne Feinstein's Blue Angels are crashing through the canyons
between our tallest buildings as Warren Hellman's Blue Grass Festival
brings the backwoods of the American South to Golden Gate Park.
In North Beach, the Italians are celebrating their 1492 conquest
of the Americas while the Castro celebrates being young and gay
and free. Or, old and gay and free. Or, middle-aged and gay and
in bondage. Of course, none of them can compare to the 8th weekly
Friday forum of the 2007 San Francisco Mayoral Candidates Collaborative
in the Town Square underneath Gavin Newsom's balcony.
"The cops left George Davis as they found
him, naked as the day he was born."
The cops cruising in front of City Hall ignored the 7-foot tall
purple haired clown juggling fiery batons. They looked right through
the handsome and well-dressed high-ranking member of the local
Republican Party who was smoking huge expensive stogies with a
little old man wearing a balloon Jester's hat.
Write-in candidate Kenny the clown Kahn.
Wants civil rights for street performers and more paid gigs.
Candidates h. brown, George Davis and Harold Hoogasian
with debate moderator Krissy Keefer.
"Ah, that's better. I can hear you clearly now Martian master."
They seemed not to notice the purple 'Grasshopper Kaplan for
Mayor' campaign/domicile/taxi van with the big sound system from
which the candidate alternated between playing rambling rock riffs
and dropping his drawers to moon the crowd (he's getting better
with the guitar, by the way - almost a pleasure to listen to -
says he comes early to build a crowd for us - he could be elected
Collaborative Outreach Coordinator at any time).
They went right for George
First time we've had uniformed cops disrupting a debate. Oh,
the heckler was there and two guys filming the proceedings. Usually
the only problems in our forums come from the candidates embedded
in the campaign by Gavin's dirty tricks.
George Davis attracts San Francisco's finest to the debate.
This week, for instance, it was Kenny Kahn's time to fuck things
up by doing lame shit that impressed no one until he continually
refused to give up the microphone.
Ironically, it was Grasshopper (Alec) Kaplan who finally cut
off his sound to move the thing along (it was freezing). Neither
Grasshopper or Kenny made our After Party at the Temple Bar. Probably
Apologies to Ahimsa Sumchai
Harold Hoogasian brought a couple of high quality cigars as
I mentioned. Again, I apologize for saying whatever bad I said
about him that necessitated our having to smoke a peace pipe.
It was a wonderful gesture, by the way. I never smoked cigarettes
and I've only recently returned to cigars (too late to die young).
Any decent cigar is pure tobacco (as were the ones Harold brought)
and they don't have the crap they put in cigarettes to make them
burn faster and the like. But, we should have kept them off stage.
We were standing right next to Ahimsa, puffing away and talking
about some of our shared pro-military views with Mike Powers whose
mom was a cop and who noted at the bar that he'd once lived as
a woman for 3 years.
Wow. Powers never ceases to amaze me. His revelation at the
bar where he'd filled 5 tables full of food and beer even impressed
the jaded, mostly LGBT Collaborative crowd. During the debate
he talked about beefing up the SFPD (always complain they can't
find recruits) by increasing 'lateral transfers' (move cops from
other California departments who'd like to live here, in at their
New BFFs Michael "lateral transfers" Powers and h. brown
So anyway, Ahimsa goes to the microphone and gives us a lecture
for smoking in a park (it is illegal, but the pot I shared with
Grasshopper wasn't - quirk of law which I made sure Michela Alioto-Pier
understood when she passed the no smoking in da park legislation
she upbraided us and it was proper and I moved
downwind from her but couldn't bear to relinquish the tasty cigar.
Nothing to see here, kids... nothing to see.
A patriotic homeless man passes up the eigth mayoral debate
owing to a scheduling conflict.
If you left because of the cigars Ahimsa, I promise you, if
you are there next week, I will promise to smoke no tobacco. You
are a serious candidate and the last thing I'd want is to drive
3 more cop cars arrive
I thought that maybe Ahimsa had dropped a dime on Harold and
I for the stogies, but they were only there to back up the 2 cops
interviewing the skinny naked Davis. We all kept waiting for them
to pat him down and check for a 'plan'. The new cops also all
ignored the clown with the flames and all the rest and moved in
to study George's pecker. Suddenly, sirens wailed!
Leaving George in his altogether, all the cops jumped into their
chariots and roared away, one peeling rubber right down the sidewalk
to just the end of the street where they converged with a couple
of other cars and busted some young dude in a BMW who kept looking
over at the nudist and a huge clown watching him getting busted.
I knew then, in some small portion, what Custer must have felt
like at Little Big Horn.
That's just a few snippets of our 8th Friday Candidates gathering
in the Town Square. To say it was chaos, was to put it very very
mildly. If it hadn't been for the quick wits and ability to improvise
of our moderator (Krissy Keefer of Dance Mission), we'd have looked
Krissy whispered to me: "Herding cats." And proceeded
to explain to the audience that they were viewing the most cutting
edge Performance Art, and then led the applause as Grasshopper
showed the left cheek of his ass to the cops.
A couple of firecrackers exploded nearby and folks were startled.
Speakers were left talking to themselves, God and the Department
of Homeland Security, as cameras and crowd, turned to watch the
peripheral action. We don't plan this shit, folks. You couldn't
plan this shit. Or, can you?
The audience loved it. They thought we planned the clown and
the cops and the arrest and the flames and the cigars and the
blazing guitar. Must have cost us a bundle, they mused.
Whatever, it was fun
Josh Wolf was in Oregon for some kind of conference but will
return next week. Lonnie Holmes had a league game for his kids
football team but promises to also be back next week when Candidate
Powers has promised to host the After Party at his Power Exchange.
You don't want to miss that one.
I don't take notes in these things, but Krissy Keefer left her
list of questions when she split Temple Bar and I'm gonna copy
What special insight do you bring to the problem of gang violence?
Are you qualified to deal with the particular problems of the
What character attributes would you bring to the job of mayor?
What is your plan for the Arts in San Francisco?
What is your opinion on the tall buildings and their contribution
to the housing crisis? Are you concerned about the safety of them?
What is the biggest weakness in our disaster preparedness?
Do you have any feelings about the role San Francisco plays Nationally
and internationally? Economics, sister city, ground breaking ideas.
Do you support the Blue Angels flying over the City?
How will you prevent yourself from falling into the seduction
of political cronyism?
here to watch Tony DeRenzo's video documentary of the eigth
Odds and ends and odd ends
So, Fazio is out as Jew's attorney in one of the cases? Sources
close to the scene say that there will be some agreement beforehand
with the new attorney about just what constitutes a billable hour.
Your last name ain't 'John Keker', Buzz.
I got an email from Matt Dorsey in Dennis Herrera's office attacking
Jew's top legal eagle, Steven Gruel and I'm gonna go see if I
have learned enough about copying and pasting to share it with
"Apart from running up his client's legal bill, I don't
understand the rationale for Mr. Gruel's continued theatrics.
The Mayor's official misconduct charges allege that Supervisor
Jew failed to reside in the district he was elected to represent,
in willful violation of the City Charter. The separate criminal
wrongdoing alleged by federal authorities is clearly not among
the Mayor's official misconduct charges -- and I'm not aware of
a single news organization that has reported otherwise. At this
point, I think Mr. Gruel would better serve his client to focus
on Mr. Jew's numerous legal problems than to engage in this ongoing
(Matt Dorsey, City Attorney spokesperson)
And my response:
C'mon Matt (and my 'A' list)
You're so full of shit it's coming out your ears. Now, who
the hell is running up Jew's legal bills? If Dennis could, he'd
bill Ed for your time. You know it. I know it.
The City Attorney, Mayor and D.A. are doing everything they
can to bankrupt Ed Jew when they are more guilty of the transgressions
with which they charge him then he could ever hope to be.
The Mayor, I believe, has "reserved the right" to
add more criminal charges later on.
You assholes are a 3 department tag team with free legal advice
and power-out-the-ass attacking one guy.
How's your case against the Mayor going?
You know, the one about him using funds for people dying of
cancer to pay off his mistress?
There is such a case, no?
Doesn't all this spin make you dizzy?
Basically, Dorsey had the balls to accuse Gruel of running up
legal expenses to Ed Jew when that is exactly what his boss (Dennis
Herrera, the City Attorney), the Mayor and D.A., Kamala Harris
are trying to do. They know their case is weak and they want Ed
to bail out. Hypocrites! They're trying to bankrupt Jew and that's
hard to deny. These assholes have an unlimited supply of lawyers
attacking the 4th District's elected representative. Let's see
a total of the 'billable' hours the 3 agencies have charged to
the public in their attack on the guy.
Will the City pay for Peskin's lawyers cause he can't keep his
mouth shut? The huge laugh of this is that Aaron Peskin and Jake
McGoldrick called for Jew to resign because the distractions of
his prosecution would hinder his ability to serve his constituents.
They did this when they were both fighting recall efforts against
them for their alleged incompetence. Can you say 'irony'? Can
you spell 'hypocrite'?
That's enough for now. Getting to where it takes all day to just
get current with reading and emails and get one of these things
out. I'm gonna unwind. If you know what I mean.
h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com,
an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h
is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and
a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email
h at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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