COURT JESTERINGS

With h. brown

San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Brown crucifies Newsom

By h. brown

October 13, 2007

"If you gotta talk about someone, talk about me
'cause I sure 'nuff can use the publicity."
(Father Lou Times)

"It was well worth the $5,000!"
(Eileen Left)

Last night's 2007 San Francisco League of Women Voters mayoral forum was definitely the high point of my perennial candidate career. We got 10 thirty-second chances to express our views (11 candidates and Gavin) about the problems facing the City and our solutions. I think I managed to get a zinger in on the mayor in every spot.

Mayoral candidates h. brown, George Davis, Lonnie Holmes, Harold Hoogasian,
Quintin Mecke, Gavin Newsom, Wilma Pang, Chicken John Rinaldi,
Ahimsa Porter-Sumchai and Josh Wolf, at the 2007 San Francisco League of Women Voters candidates forum.

I somehow managed to achieve a simple yet fearful symmetry to my deadly comments. In a twist of fate, I had both the first and last words of the candidates and opened and closed with a condemnation of Newsom for refusing to face his opposition for more than "5 minutes every 4 years."

In between, the common thread of my comments was the mayor as a hollow-suit lackey to the plutocracy, his hypocrisy and shameful self-indulgence. Here's a few examples:

On homelessness

"There's plenty of housing for the poor, but unfortunately it sits on land with great views and is coveted by the mayor's greedy friends. The Navy housed 15,000 on Treasure Island and there are plenty of barracks, chow halls and dispensaries (even a brig) to house homeless.

"But, the mayor gave an exclusive contract to develop Treasure Island to his fundraiser, Darius Anderson, who has never in his life built so much as a tree house. Not so surprisingly, Anderson wants to build market-rate housing there.

"Same with the Housing Authority's Bay View projects. They allowed them to crumble and emptied them, and now the mayor is taking an unnamed billionaire there to talk about a 'partnership' in developing them. I say to you, that if a rich man offers to be your partner, you better cover your butt."

San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom.

On surveillance cameras

"Hey I like cameras. That's why I'm up here. The mayor keeps saying that he likes cameras too. So, why don't we put some surveillance cameras in his office? I can guarantee you that if there had been cameras in his office this time last year, he wouldn't be up here on stage with us now."

It went on like that for an hour and a half and they hated me or loved me, or sometimes both. It was a brief fling in the cloak room with 350 people and 50 cameras watching. A real friggin' blast. I opened condemning Gavin for not debating us and closed thus:

"Did you all have a good time tonight? (loud cheers) Would you like to do this 12 times? (more loud cheering)

"Well, we've done it Fridays for 8 weeks in a row from 5-6:30pm in front of City Hall and the mayor has refused to debate us. We have 4 more of these starting with tomorrow at 5pm and you and he are invited to do it again. And, we end the debates by going to Temple Bar for beer which is where we're going now and you're welcome to join."

We packed Temple

I put my medicinal pot ID back around my neck (I don't have a bus pass DG, I wear my pot card so I can smoke anywhere in the open without being hassled) and Tony DeRenzo and I sandwiched in a visit to Jens Nielsen's 'World's Smallest Nightclub' before joining the gang at the bar.

Place was full of political wonks and zombies. Hard to tell which are the weirdest. Gavin's top spy, Mike Farrah combined the two and had a hell of a time as he always does (thanks for the beer, Gavin - apologies for the oblique reference to your fling).

Mike "Zombie-Spy" Farrah.

Mike Powers canceled, then re-scheduled tonight's 9th 2007 SF Mayors Race Candidates Collaborative After Party at his Power Exchange. You understand that?

Mike Powers, San Francisco Power Exchange

It's raining like hell and we may have to have the entire debate at Mike's place. The logistics are terrible for that though. How do I reach everyone? The Vega girl called us 'disorganized' in the morning Chron and while that is pretty true (we should get credit for showing up for 2 solid months and doing our damndest) … though, it's pretty true, we are very devoted. Fighting the good fight even when you know you can't win, is one definition of heroism to me. Hiding in your law office or the supe chambers until you get a guaranteed victory, is selfish cowardice to me.

My compliments to Newsom

The mayor has raised around 2 million bucks for this campaign and spent about three-quarters of that already. When people sneer and say: "What did he spend it on?", I have the same reply.

He's spent it on hiring people to work on his campaign. He has put money into the pockets and bank accounts of the workers who supplement his volunteers. He's given them money to pay their rent and utilities. He's kept them involved in the political process which they love so much. I see nothing the matter with that.

"Sorry they wasted your legislation."
(Dawg to Rob Arnow)

Thanks to Rob and Steven Hill, lefties could have outspent Newsom by a nearly 4 to 1 margin in this race if our 'leaders' had only gotten off the toilet and led. Yeah, 6 million bucks of Public Financing is going begging (no, wait … Newsom wants to take it back) … that's 6 million dollars in rent, and the aforementioned utilities, from legislation that the Left developed, then left sitting.

24 days remain

Unless I get laid, I don't think any day remaining in this campaign will top yesterday. I was up at 6am and had a column posted by mid-morning, a workout and interview done by 1pm (Mike Sugerman came to Marina Green and interviewed me during my calisthenics - I clipped the mic onto my chest hair - very pin-up) and, plenty of time to drink a bottle of Two Buck Chuck Merlot and listen to great rock n' roll before the LWV forum.

I could be wrong. Maybe today will be even better. Hell, I've never been to the Power Exchange before and even though it will be closed for regular business, I'm anxious to see my friends wandering those hallowed halls.

Is that a piece of magic mushroom that fell out of my pocket?

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h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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