The CrackBerry Chronicles
With Elaine Santore
June 4, 2007
Progressive Convention Media Coverage: Wash, Spin, Repeat
After a long day at the 2007 San Francisco Progressive
Convention, I received a phone call from my dad. He was watching
the KTVU 10 O'clock News coverage of the event. While I was filling
Dad in on the day's events, he said, "Wait! You just walked
past the screen!" His spirits were significantly lowered
when the story shifted to Gavin Newsom's campaign rally a couple
blocks up the street.
"Now they've got Gavin talking. He's wondering why he wasn't
invited to the convention because he says he's a progressive,
too," Dad said.
I was immediately reminded of MTV's My
Super Sweet 16. Every episode of the reality show includes
a scene where the party hostess (it's either a chubby, spoiled
car dealership heiress from middle America, or a foul-mouthed
daughter of a rap label exec) hands out party invitations. To
counter the ecstatic invitees, there's always a group of hangers-on
who whine about not getting invited. Example:
"I don't know why I didn't get invited to Ashley's sweet
sixteen. I sit next to her, like, every day in homeroom."
Gavin, just because progressives let you cheat off their tests,
and take credit for all their group projects, doesn't mean they
want you at their convention. Can't you throw a kegger at the
Getty manse instead?
Elaine Santore: "I don't know why Gavin Newsom thought he
would be invited to the convention. You don't see me showing up
to Chronicle staff meetings."
Today I was disappointed to learn Newsom addressed his crowd
of comatose Kool-Aiders saying,
"They're just dreaming - you're out there doing!"
Mayor Gavin Newsom with former Press Secretary Peter Ragone.
Photo by Stephan Dorian Minor
Doing what, and for whom? Certainly not for the homeless people
I see defecating on themselves on my way to BART every morning,
afternoon, and night. Or for middle-class families moving out
of the city in droves, creating a population of unaffected yuppies
and self-serving philanthropists that shouldn't reproduce.
It's very easy for Newsom to continue playing the role of Gavin
Newsom on the real-life soap opera, The Progressive Mayor Who
Cares. He plays it best when he's out of town, which is most
of the time. However, the majority of his 65% approval rating
is weak support, and the product of an ill-informed populace who
enjoys watching the Progressive Mayor on TV, and reading
his press releases in the Chronicle. The fact he doesn't have
a viable challenger doesn't help matters. (More on that later.)
The mainstream media coverage of the Progressive
Convention and the simultaneous Newsom and Kamala Harris events
confirmed my belief that most of y'all are running out of material.
You'd think it was an A's-Giants series or something. Thank goodness
hacks like Matier
& Ross have Fog City Journal's thunder to steal from week
weak week, which local blogs can spin and
re-print as gospel.
Phil Matier shakes hands with City Hall gadfly Abdullah.
Note to Abdullah, check to make sure you still have your wallet!
Ladies Love Ross the Boss, Part Two
As most of you already know, District 5 Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi
not declare his candidacy at the convention on Saturday. As
he took to the podium, the DJ played Michael Jackson's "Don't
Stop 'Til You Get Enough."
The crowd broke into a chant of "Run, Ross, run!" to
which Mirkarimi replied, "I think the heat is getting to
you." He also pointed out that Supervisor Chris Daly's plan
to move him to the end of the convention was a good one, "I
think I was supposed to speak at 1:45
the delay tactic might
Listening to Sup. McDreamy's speeches always make me regret not
carrying a dictionary. Transcribing them usually involves a lot
of: "Where does the period go in that sentence? Did he really
say 'awestruck and ominous'?" But I think Sup. Mirkarimi
would be a great progressive candidate because he's inclusive,
and (though I hate to make sports references), he's a team player.
Nevertheless, Sup. Mirkarimi needs to get used to all the attention
if he plans to run in 2011. He became so overwhelmed by Fog City's
questions after the convention he accused Luke Thomas of being
After posing for this picture, Ross Mirkarimi said, "I feel
like such a politician right now."
Um, you are a politician, Ross.
Jack Daly Has a Better Social Life Than I Do
Although they're six decades apart, Jack Daly and h. Brown had
one thing in common on Saturday afternoon: they were both a little
cranky after missing their naptime. While Jack grew fatigued after
playing in the playground all day, h. became exhausted from massive
amounts of socializing, progressive unity, and Kool-Aid disguised
as fruit juice.
Chris Daly and his #1 fans, Jack Daly and Sarah Daly.
Many left the convention after Daly's speech feeling disappointed,
to say the least. Members of the press asked Daly if he would
his candidacy on Monday morning.
Chris Daly picking up haterade flyers in the school playground
before the convention.
Gavin Newsom would probably complain about his bum
and get a Kool-Aider to do the dirty work instead.
Say what you will about Daly's convention and its failure to
declare a progressive challenger, but Daly is the only figure
in the San Francisco progressive movement taking any sort of leadership
position, and God loves a tryer.
Now we know who messed with Luke Thomas' artwork.
Progressive Convention Fashion Rundown
Best vintage: Paul Hogarth, for his Gonzalez for Mayor t-shirt.
Paul Hogarth rockin' a golden oldie, for a golden oldie.
Best Dressed: Supervisor Sophie Maxwell.
Best Accessories: A dead heat between Kenny the Clown's pink
sunglasses, and his bodyguard's medallion.
Mayoral candidate Kenneth Kahn, aka Kenny the Clown. This isn't
Kenny's first time at the rodeo: he ran for mayor of Alameda in
2006, but even his mother wouldn't
vote for him.
CrackBerry Blind Item
Which well-loved activist Wonder Woman was overheard saying this
about a rumored progressive front-runner who declined to support
the convention in person.
"Him not showing up today was his way of saying,