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The CrackBerry Chronicles

With Elaine Santore

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

By Elaine Santore


June 4, 2007

Progressive Convention Media Coverage: Wash, Spin, Repeat

After a long day at the 2007 San Francisco Progressive Convention, I received a phone call from my dad. He was watching the KTVU 10 O'clock News coverage of the event. While I was filling Dad in on the day's events, he said, "Wait! You just walked past the screen!" His spirits were significantly lowered when the story shifted to Gavin Newsom's campaign rally a couple blocks up the street.

"Now they've got Gavin talking. He's wondering why he wasn't invited to the convention because he says he's a progressive, too," Dad said.

I was immediately reminded of MTV's My Super Sweet 16. Every episode of the reality show includes a scene where the party hostess (it's either a chubby, spoiled car dealership heiress from middle America, or a foul-mouthed daughter of a rap label exec) hands out party invitations. To counter the ecstatic invitees, there's always a group of hangers-on who whine about not getting invited. Example:

"I don't know why I didn't get invited to Ashley's sweet sixteen. I sit next to her, like, every day in homeroom."

Gavin, just because progressives let you cheat off their tests, and take credit for all their group projects, doesn't mean they want you at their convention. Can't you throw a kegger at the Getty manse instead?

Elaine Santore: "I don't know why Gavin Newsom thought he would be invited to the convention. You don't see me showing up to Chronicle staff meetings."

Today I was disappointed to learn Newsom addressed his crowd of comatose Kool-Aiders saying, "They're just dreaming - you're out there doing!"

Mayor Gavin Newsom with former Press Secretary Peter Ragone.
Photo by Stephan Dorian Minor

Doing what, and for whom? Certainly not for the homeless people I see defecating on themselves on my way to BART every morning, afternoon, and night. Or for middle-class families moving out of the city in droves, creating a population of unaffected yuppies and self-serving philanthropists that shouldn't reproduce.

It's very easy for Newsom to continue playing the role of Gavin Newsom on the real-life soap opera, The Progressive Mayor Who Cares. He plays it best when he's out of town, which is most of the time. However, the majority of his 65% approval rating is weak support, and the product of an ill-informed populace who enjoys watching the Progressive Mayor on TV, and reading his press releases in the Chronicle. The fact he doesn't have a viable challenger doesn't help matters. (More on that later.)

The mainstream media coverage of the Progressive Convention and the simultaneous Newsom and Kamala Harris events confirmed my belief that most of y'all are running out of material. You'd think it was an A's-Giants series or something. Thank goodness hacks like Matier & Ross have Fog City Journal's thunder to steal from week after weak week, which local blogs can spin and re-print as gospel.

Phil Matier shakes hands with City Hall gadfly Abdullah.
Note to Abdullah, check to make sure you still have your wallet!

Ladies Love Ross the Boss, Part Two

As most of you already know, District 5 Supervisor Ross Mirkarimi did not declare his candidacy at the convention on Saturday. As he took to the podium, the DJ played Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough."

The crowd broke into a chant of "Run, Ross, run!" to which Mirkarimi replied, "I think the heat is getting to you." He also pointed out that Supervisor Chris Daly's plan to move him to the end of the convention was a good one, "I think I was supposed to speak at 1:45…the delay tactic might be working."

Listening to Sup. McDreamy's speeches always make me regret not carrying a dictionary. Transcribing them usually involves a lot of: "Where does the period go in that sentence? Did he really say 'awestruck and ominous'?" But I think Sup. Mirkarimi would be a great progressive candidate because he's inclusive, and (though I hate to make sports references), he's a team player.

Nevertheless, Sup. Mirkarimi needs to get used to all the attention if he plans to run in 2011. He became so overwhelmed by Fog City's questions after the convention he accused Luke Thomas of being "stalkerish."

After posing for this picture, Ross Mirkarimi said, "I feel like such a politician right now."
Um, you are a politician, Ross.

Jack Daly Has a Better Social Life Than I Do

Although they're six decades apart, Jack Daly and h. Brown had one thing in common on Saturday afternoon: they were both a little cranky after missing their naptime. While Jack grew fatigued after playing in the playground all day, h. became exhausted from massive amounts of socializing, progressive unity, and Kool-Aid disguised as fruit juice.

Chris Daly and his #1 fans, Jack Daly and Sarah Daly.

Many left the convention after Daly's speech feeling disappointed, to say the least. Members of the press asked Daly if he would be declaring his candidacy on Monday morning.

Chris Daly picking up haterade flyers in the school playground before the convention.
Gavin Newsom would probably complain about his bum hip
and get a Kool-Aider to do the dirty work instead.

Say what you will about Daly's convention and its failure to declare a progressive challenger, but Daly is the only figure in the San Francisco progressive movement taking any sort of leadership position, and God loves a tryer.

Now we know who messed with Luke Thomas' artwork.

Progressive Convention Fashion Rundown

Best vintage: Paul Hogarth, for his Gonzalez for Mayor t-shirt.

Paul Hogarth rockin' a golden oldie, for a golden oldie.

Best Dressed: Supervisor Sophie Maxwell.

Best Accessories: A dead heat between Kenny the Clown's pink sunglasses, and his bodyguard's medallion.

Mayoral candidate Kenneth Kahn, aka Kenny the Clown. This isn't Kenny's first time at the rodeo: he ran for mayor of Alameda in 2006, but even his mother wouldn't vote for him.

CrackBerry Blind Item

Which well-loved activist Wonder Woman was overheard saying this about a rumored progressive front-runner who declined to support the convention in person.

"Him not showing up today was his way of saying, 'F*** you.'"




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